Sam and max stories

No couples allowed

(art by me) 

The normal calm atmosphere of Sam and Max's office was interrupted by the phone ringing.

"I GOT IT! I GOT IT! I GOT IT!"

After tussling for a few minutes Sam got it, pinning Max to the wall with his foot. "Yes? Uh huh? Yeah? We're on it!"

"Was it the commissioner?" Max said, strained. Sam nodded, letting him down. "Get your cologne ready, cause we're goin to the Larry loner club!" "You mean that fancy 'singles-only' club across town?" Max said, standing up. "The very same, lil buddy." "But won't we not be able to get in there, since we are a couple?" Sam laughed. "Nobody knows that we're dating." "uh, Sam, I'm pretty sure EVERYONE knows we are dating. We kiss, we hold hands, hell, we shake the building every Friday night, which several neighbors have complained about." Max replied. Sam blushes. "Haha, t-this club is all the way across town, I'm pretty sure nobody over there has even heard of the freelance police." "oookay, but if we can't enter, don't be surprised." he said as they walked to the car.

"Sorry gents, no entry." the bouncer said. "What? Why not?" Sam replied. "in case you didn't read the sign this is a SINGLES ONLY club." she said as she pointed to the sign. "Why, both of us are single as pringles!" Sam said nervously. The bouncer gave them a "Really?" look. "Oh come on, everyone in central Manhattan knows you guys, and EVERYONE knows about your Friday night funkin. All the people in your building and even a few buildings around yours have heard your howling." Sam was a complete tomato, speechless. "I told you." Max piped up. "So yeah, you aren't getting in here." the bouncer said.

They walked away in defeat, heading back to the office. "Well, that ain't happening.." Sam said as they walked in. Max looked at him. "Should we call the commissioner back and tell him to send someone who's single?" Sam thinks. "No, there's got to be a way in there..." He keeps thinking. "Oh! I got it!" He looks to Max. "We should break up!" Max looks shocked. "W-what?" Sam smiles. "It's simple. If everyone knows we aren't dating, we could easily get into the club!" Max started to tear up. "B-but Sam..." Sam notices his crying, realizing. "Oh, oh no Max it's not like that!" He kneeled down to hug him. "I don't want to actually break up with you..." Max sighed in relief, hugging him back. "Oh thank god... I thought you didn't love me anymore...'' Sam rubbed his back. "No, of course I still love you." Max sighed gently. Once they pulled back, Sam explained his idea. "So basically, my idea is that we could pretend to have a big fight in public, then everyone would know we are single. Then, we can get into the club to get the evidence we need!" Max nodded, understanding. "I'm looking forward to our fake getting back together."

About an hour and a half later, they were both sitting in central park, on a bench by the lake, where there were a few passersby. Sam was getting ready to start the show. "Hey... Max there is... something I need to talk to you about..." Max looks at him. "Yeah..?" Sam gulps. "I-it's nothing against you, little buddy but.." Max tilts his head. "I... I think we should break up, this just isn't working out." Max let out a horrified gasp. "H-how could you..." Sam looks at him. "Max, calm down-" "I spent my whole life with you because I want to be with you , I did everything for you and now you're DUMPING ME because 'it's not working out'?!" "Max it's not you-" "it's because you're in love with ANGELA aren't you!? I see the way you eye her up when you think I'm not looking! WELL IF YOU WANNA BREAK UP THEN FINE!" He jumped off the bench. "HAVE A NICE LIFE YOU PRICK!" He slapped him and ran away, very angry. Sam just sat there in silence. Wow.... he knew it wasn't real but, man it still hurt. He brought his knees up to his chest, crying sadly. A few passerby looked at him, feeling sorry.

After he cried long enough to convince the passerby, he started on his walk back home. he heard his phone buzz, and he got it out, looking at it. Max had messaged him "how did I do?" Sam messaged back "you did absolutely phenomenal lil buddy! I mean it hurt me even though I knew you were acting!" Max replied "I'm sorry" with a few heart emojis. Sam giggled and replied "it's okay, I forgive you. Now, go to the singles club and they should let you in." "okay!" "I'll meet you there, I'll be there soon" "okay, see you then, love you!" "Love you too little buddy!" Sam put his phone away and made his way to the car.

After stopping by the office to freshen up a bit, he drove back to the singles club, going to the bouncer. "Hello again" the bouncer looks at him. "Oh, it's you." Sam nods. "Yeah... so... Max broke up with me." the bouncer nods. "Yeah, actually he came by here a while ago, went in." she smiled at him. "have you come to try to win him back?" Sam nods. "Alright, good luck." He unclips the velvet rope and let's Sam in.

The club was lively, dance music playing, lots of people dancing, other people talking, lots of romantic vibes. Sam spotted Max over by the snack bar, using the ladle to scoop chocolate from the fountain right into his mouth. He walked towards him, trying to be semi awkward. Max spotted him. "Oh, hey..." Sam sighed, looking around. Nobody was watching them, so he whispered to Max "let's just get the evidence and get out of here.

After splitting up and searching through the whole joint, they managed to find the evidence under one of the tables and conceal it so that nobody noticed. Once Sam found Max again, he told him, "Time for the last step in our plan." He stood up and cleared his throat.

"Max, I want to say something..." Max looked at him. "What is it...?" he had a bitter tone. Sam sighed. "Listen... I'm sorry I broke up with you... it was a mistake...'' Max looked at him, his gaze softening. "do you really think so..?" Sam nodded, gently taking his hand. "No matter how I try to deny it.. My heart knows that.. You are the one for me... you always have been..." Max smiled. "That's all you had to say!" he jumped up to give him a kiss. Sam kisses back, holding him up by his waist. A few people around them "awww"ed. After the kiss they both walked out holding hands, the bouncer giving them a thumbs up as they made their way back to the car.

As they were driving back, Sam suddenly realized, "you know, we should have asked the commissioner to get us a search warrant..." Max nods. "Yeah, then we could have avoided this whole charade. Sam laughs. "Well, I did like getting together again..." Max smiled. "Yeah..." they held hands the rest of the way home.