Who you really are

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(art by izzys_sketches on instagram) 

16 year old Sam was sitting in the park, watching all the people walk by. It was Friday after school, and She was trying to hype herself up to talk to Max about her feelings.

Ever since she and Max had met in 3rd grade, she had had a bit of a crush on him, that only grew as they got older. She always tried to build up the courage to ask him out, but could never bring herself to.

And then, when they got to high school, max came out to her as gay. Sam was of course, very supportive of her best friend, but inside, she cried, because, even though she loved Max, she knew he wouldn't return her feelings, because he didn't even like girls.

Yet another reason she wished she wasn't one..

But today, she decided she would finally reveal her feelings to him. Even though she knew he wouldn't reciprocate them, she had to get it off her chest. She couldn't hide them forever, and it was eating her up inside.

She only hoped things wouldn't get too awkward between them...

"Hey Sam!" Max said, walking up to her. Sam snapped out of her thoughts. "Oh, hi max!" she smiled. Max sat next to her on the bench. "So, what did you want to talk about?" Sam looks away. "Well max, there is... something I've been trying to tell you for a while now..." max listens. "I've been pretty nervous about it..." she takes a few deep breaths, then looks to max.

"Max... I'm in love with you."

Max blushes. Sam closes her eyes. "I know you don't like me back, but I just had to tell you... i couldn't keep it to myself any longer..." she starts to tear up. "I'm sorry if you think I'm weird, or this makes things awkward..."

Max takes her hand. "Sammy, look at me." She slowly opened her eyes. Max was smiling at her gently. "I love you too..." he says. Sam's eyes widened. "W-what..?" Max giggled. "Did you not hear me correctly..?" Sam looks down. "I don't think i did... sounded like you said you loved me back..." she said, discouraged.'' Max giggled. "No, you heard me right." He takes her chin and kisses her gently.

Sam thought she would burn out like a lightbulb.

What a mix of emotions. Sam felt happy Max felt the same way, but also extremely confused. Nevertheless she enjoyed the kiss, until Max pulled back to look in her eyes.

"B-but I thought you didn't like girls...?" Sam said, finally Max nodded. "That's correct." Sam was even more confused. "But you love me back..?" max giggles. "That's also correct." Sam just puts her hands in her face. "My brain, is short circuiting right now." Max laughs. "Well, it's really pretty simple." Sam looked up at him, waiting for an answer.

"It's because Sam, I know you aren't a girl." he smiled. Sam blinked. "Wait, what do you mean?" Max takes her hands. "Sam, I know you better than I've known anyone my whole life. And you know yourself too." he smiled. "Do you remember that one slumber party we had in 8th grade?"

Sam does remember. That was the evening that Max had fallen asleep first and she had gone to the bathroom to have a good cry and vent to herself about how she didn't want to be a girl.

"Wait, you remember?" Max nods. "Sam, I woke up that night, and I heard you crying, but I didn't wanna scare you so I just listened through the door to see what was wrong..." Sam feels cold. "Max, that's kinda creepy.." Max huffed. "Well forgive me for being concerned that my friend was upset!" Sam sighed, looking away. "It is true though..." She looks down. "I don't feel like a girl on the inside... I never have...''Max hugs her. "And that's okay." Sam hugs back. "No it isn't..." she tears up. "I'm supposed to be a girl..." Max kisses her cheek. "No you aren't Sam..." he pulls back and looks in her eyes.

"Sam, if you want to be a man, then what's stopping you?" Sam wipes her tears. "Well for one, I don't have the money to transition.. And even if I did, I don't think my parents would like it if their perfect little girl suddenly became a boy without their knowledge.." Max hugs her. "I think you should tell your parents." Sam shakes her head. "I can't.." Max smiled. "Sure you can! I'll go with you!" Sam starts to shake. "B-but what if they yell at me...?" Max strokes her cheek. "Then I'll yell at them for you.." Sam wipes her eyes. "But what if..." she cries more, burying her face in Max's shoulder. Max strokes her back and holds her. "Baby.. it's gonna be okay..."

After Sam calms down enough to stop shaking, she looks Max in the eye. "D-do you really think i should tell them?" Max nods gently. "Of course!" Sam stands up. "O-okay... I'm ready.." Max takes her hand and starts to lead her home.

"One more thing max.." she (now he) said. "Yeah?" Max asked. Sam smiled. "Could you... call me your boyfriend from now on?" max giggles. "Only until I can call you my husband." he kisses Sam's cheek. Sam blushes and smiles widely. "Aww, Thanks, little buddy!"

With the support of Max, Sam told his parents the truth. His mother accepted him happily, even admitting that she kind of wanted a boy all along. Even though his father was a little hesitant, after his discussion with Sam (and some slight threatening from Max), he knew that his daughter, or now sons, feelings were the most important thing, and he accepted him as well. Sam felt so much weight come off his shoulders.

A few months later, things were really coming together. Sam had gotten his top surgery, cut his hair, and had even gotten his name legally changed from Samantha to Samuel. Max and him had stayed together of course, and there wasn't a day that went by that Sam regretted telling Max about his feelings, because all in all, it ended up helping him become who he really was. 

 

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