Sam and max stories

A new carpet

(art by me) 

One day, Sam and Max were relaxing in the office, watching some trashy telenovela on their old tv. They didn't feel particularly affectionate today, so they just held hands.

On the tv, Some dame with long, silky black hair was crying about how her husband had cheated on her or something like that, max wasn't really paying attention. He was more focused on how small his hand was compared to sams. Like, the entirety of his hand was like the size of a quarter in Sam's hand.

Suddenly he felt the need to urinate. He lets go of Sam's hand and gets up. "Be right back, gotta leak." Sam nods. "K."

But as Max walked across the floor, the old rug slid and bunched up on the wooden floor, causing him to trip and faceplant. Sam jumps, looking at him. "Woah! You ok max?" Max pushes his face up from the floor. "Almost pissed myself, but yeah." he gets up, rushing out the door.

Sam looks at the old carpet. They'd had that thing for a while, ever since they first moved into the office. It had gone through a lot. Through the fights for the phone, dart games, Max's flamenco and river dancing, and Sam rolling on it whenever his doglike instincts kicked in, the thing had seen better days...

Especially after last night. They had both drunk a little too much after a particularly aggravating case, and ended up getting frisky right on the floor, passing out afterwards and leaving the poor rug covered with rips, tears, and weird stains.(usually they were decent enough to engage in private time on the couch, but they were both plastered that night.)

Sam blushes as he remembers, and Max walks back in. "ok, I'm better." he looks down at the rug. "You know what Sam?" Sam looks at him. "What's that?" "I think we need a new carpet." Max says. Sam nods. "I agree little buddy, that one has been through cheap rug hell." Max nods.

Sam stands up off the couch and gets the keys, and 5 seconds later they are on the road.

"So what kinda carpet are you thinking, little buddy?" Sam asked as they drove to the nearest furniture outlet. "Hmm, I dunno." Max says, thinking. "Well, we've got a lot of options. Should we go modern? Retro? Patterned? Just one straight color?" Max keeps thinking. "I was gonna say we should get one that comes with its own blood stains, but that would be gross..." Sam cringes. "Yeah..." he says as they park the car and walk into the store

Browsing through the rug section, they look at all kinds. Shapes, colors, all kinds. Some max liked but Sam didn't, some Sam liked but max didn't. They had a few domestic squabbles, almost got divorced again, the usual.

Until they found themselves in the retro section, looking at the shag carpets. "Oh man, my feet have never felt better!" max said as he stepped onto an orange shag carpet. Sam steps on it, smiling. "You said it little buddy!" Max lies down on it. "Ah, I could just fall asleep." Sam laughs. "Well I'll take that as a 'we're getting this one' then?" Max rubs his arms and legs on it as if making a snow angel. "Yes!" Sam laughs and calls over a worker.

*time skip*

After Sam and Max had got the rug into their office, they were both lying down, Sam on his back and Max on his stomach. Sam had hung up his hat and jacket and had even rolled up his shirt sleeves.

The two sighed.

Max smiles, flipping over and nuzzling up to sam. Sam puts an arm around him. "I'm glad we finally got a new carpet," he says. Sam nods. "Yeah... now max.." max looks up. "Hmm?" Sam giggles. "If we want this carpet to last as long as the last one, we should really refrain from shacking up on it." max blushes. "O-okay..." he scoots up. "Can we kiss on it though?" Sam laughs. "Sure." and then they kiss.

It's gentle, soft as the carpet below them. When Max pulls back, he rolls off Sam and lies on his stomach again.

Sam realizes something. "Hehe, hey max... I just realized something.'' Max looks at him. "Yeah?" Sam giggles. "If we did end up getting wild on this new rug...I guess we could call it... a shag carpet?" Sam says with a large grin. Max looks confused, then realizes. He groans, face down into the carpet. Sam laughs, gently petting his back.