Stellaride - A CinderStella Story

The Talk (19)

Kellys POV

Me and Stella have now been living together for 2 months, I didn't confront her about what she said to shay about marriage, I doesn't mean I dont think about it constantly, it worries me that our relationship as hit as far as it will go, and I wont get to experience a marriage with her, if she didn't want a marriage, did she also not want a family, is the life I've dreamed of with Stella over before it has even begun.

I stood and watched as Stella was talking to a child she just pulled from a fire, a young boy no older than 3 comforting them and holding them, she was sat on the ambo bed with the boy in her arms as the paramedics checked him over, she definitely had the maternal instinct and in my mind was the perfect woman I ever could imagine to raise my children. I couldn't help but imagine her with a little bump, then holding a little baby in her arms, our baby. 

I shook my head to get the visions out of my mind, as my heart started to ache at the thought, knowing it was just a fantasy right now, and it doesn't matter if thats what I want, Stella might not want kids. I needed to find out now, it's not fair on either of us if we both want different things, stringing each other along. 

I head back to the squad rig as I shout to my men "right lets go fuel up before we head back to the firehouse" I say as myself, Cruz, Tony and Capp get into the rig

when we get back to the firehouse, all the rigs are in so no one is out on a call, great, that gives me time to grab Stella and talk to her. I walk inside to the common room and see Stella, Shay and gabby talking and laughing amongst themselves. 

"Stella...can we have a word" I say as I walk towards my office hoping Stella has started following. 

...

Stellas POV

I was chatting and having a coffee with Shay and Gabby talking about Shays new fling. when I heard my name being called behind me and I find Kelly looking at me seriously 

"...Can we have a word" he says seriously as I turn and look at the girls to see if they know what he could want me for and they look at me confused as I stand up and go to meet up with Kelly. 

"hey wait up" I shout to him as I run in front of him stopping him from walking any further "what's up, with you, you sound serious" I say jokingly trying to lighten the mood. 

"Im no good at telling people exactly how I feel so Im gonna need you to just let me talk, im just going to say how it is" I hear him say and I start to worry but nod my head at him to let him know he can continue and Im listening

"okay, something has been bothering me, something you said weeks ago to shay, you said you never want to marry again and that really bothered me, now Im not planning on proposing anytime soon, but I did dream that one day it would be you I marry, and actually have a marriage the way its supposed to be, I wanted that with you, the whole big wedding, the kids, the growing old together. I dont know just hearing you say you wouldn't want to get married again got me thinking, if you didn't want marriage, did you not want kids, did you not want that life that I now crave so bad, I never thought that I would want this life, but ever since I met you, and I've got to love you and be with you, that all changed and I can imagine us getting married, I could imagine you carrying my child, making a house a home, as we watch our kids grow up as we also grow old together, celebrating anniversary's, I just needed you to know I want that, and if its not what you want then you need to tell me..." He finishes saying as I look at him a little bewildered at all he has just said. 

I take in everything he has said, as my eyes fill with water a little "I can't lie to you Kelly I cant see myself throwing myself into another marriage, I tried twice with Grant and I got hurt both times, Im terrified to go through that again, and kids have never been in my plan, im at a good place in my career right now, with opportunities arising everyday, there is no room in my life for kids right now. plus I wouldn't want to screw an innocent kid up, I never had the best parents growing up, so I have no idea how to look after a child properly." I say as Kelly looks down and nods his head.

"that's all I needed to hear" he says a little saddened as he walks past me and my eyes stay fixed where he once stood as I hold back the tears.

Shay and gabby started walking over to me as they must have been eavesdropping. I look at them as shay goes to talk to Kelly and gabby pulls me into the toilets

"girl, you know Kelly is not Grant, he loves you" Gabby says as she leans on the sink next to me

"I know that, but I cant shake this fear that if I drop my guard, history will repeat itself" I say as gabby passes me tom tissue to wipe my eyes. 

...

General POV

shift ended soon after and Stella decided to stay at Gabbys, unable to face Kelly, she knew she had upset him, but he was refusing to see it from her side. Kelly on the other hand after a heart to heart with shay, he realised he no longer cared about what he wanted, he would rather live with Stella, unmarried and without a family than live without her. 

he needed to let her know this so texts her to meet outside his apartment.