Stellaride - A CinderStella Story

Mind's made up (20)

Stellas POV

I have been thinking a lot about what Kelly said, he deserves to be with someone who can give him all that he wants, and right now I don't think I'm the one that can give him that. I agreed to meet him so I can talk to him and tell him exactly how I feel.

I waited outside his apartment and texted him where I am, He texted me back saying he will be home shortly, he was walking home from Shays, as he didn't want to drive. I lent against the wall and rehearsed in my head what I was going to tell Kelly. 

"Hey, you okay" I hear from Kelly's voice as I look over at him walking towards me, I lean off the wall and cross my arms to try to keep warm as it is pretty cold this evening. I stand in front of kelly and look at him he looks back at me a little concerned

"I want to speak first..." I say as Kelly nods and puts his hands in his pockets

"I haven't changed my mind about kids and marriage, I just dont think I'm ready for that step yet, and I'm worried I won't ever be...I cant be the woman you want me to be, and it is not fair on you" I notice tears appearing in kelly's eyes so decide to just say it straight out rather than explain any further because I think he already gets what I'm about to say. 

"kelly...." I pause and take a breath "love you...but I cant be with you anymore" I finally say as I look down a little not wanting to look at kelly, knowing it will break me seeing him upset, I wait for him to respond but he doesn't so I look at him one last time before I turn around and start walking to Gabby's apartment. 

as I walk away I feel a tear roll down my cheek as I wipe it away, have I possibly just let the best thing that ever happened to me go, Yes, but I did it because I love him, he wants what I cant promise to give him, I would rather him find someone who can give him all that, and make him happier. 

...

Kellys POV

I'm so glad she agreed to meet up, I needed to tell her I didn't care anymore that she didn't want marriage or kids,  I wanted her as she was, I would rather have a life with her than a life without her. what is marriage anyway other than a piece of paper and a ring...

I see her standing against the wall to my apartment block and I walk over to her, she looks deep in thought. "Hey, you okay" I ask a little concerned as her eyes look a little bloodshot like shes on the verge of crying. 

she stands in front of me and asks if she can speak first, I nod and put my hands in my pocket as I listen to her...

her tone and choice of words give me a clue as to what shes about to say, and theres nothing I can do to stop it, she seems to have already made up her mind. If only she knew I had a change of heart. but I just couldn't find the words in me to speak. I watched her turn around and leave, I closed my eyes to stop the tears from flowing as I stood there for a few more moments before I headed up to my apartment.

the second I opened the door, stella's scent hit me from when she sprayed this morning, it still lingered around for a while each time, I went over to the sofa and I sat on something, I reach under the pillow and pull it out, it was one of her chargers. I put it on the table as I see a set of her ear rings. I exhale deeply, she is everywhere, everything here will remind me of her, and it wont help that I will still have to work with her, how am I supposed to get over her. 

I decided to go to bed, the bed suddenly feeling 10 times bigger than usual and also a lot colder, I already miss her cold feet pressed against me and my face full of her hair. I grab the pillow she would normally lay on and wrap my arms around it as I pretend to be cuddled up to her, her scent on the pillow helping me imagine that she was here. 

I close my eyes tightly as I grip the pillow tight and for the first time in a while I break down, crying uncontrollably. I was madly in love with this woman and I let her get away.

this is going to be a rough next few weeks...months maybe, I just dont see me ever getting over Stella. No one will ever come close to her, if its not her then I dont want anyone else.