KimChay short stories collection. Too many KimChay ideas to turn them all into a full length AUs so here you have all the drabbles and one shots I have written so far <3
— It had been a year since Kim had left Chay completely broken. Now, Kim has decided to finally reach out to Chay and writing a letter seemed to be the best option for him to pour out all his feelings. —
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Dear Porchay,
I'm not sure if this letter will reach you. And, honestly, I'm not even sure if I want it to reach you. I've been holding everything deep within myself for far too long to not be scared to pour it all out on these pages for your eyes to read.
But I know myself. I am a mess but within that mess, there is one thing that I was always sure of — I would do anything for you, Porchay. There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you. Cutting my heart out and opening all my wounds for you to see is the least I can do for the man I love. I love you, Porchay. I have loved you from the first moment I laid my eyes on you. I know how cliché that sounds. Believe me, I was never one to think that love, at first sight, is real. For me, it was always just an artificial concept created by hopeless romantics, dreamers, and poets so that they could sell their perfect ideas about perfect love. But then you came into my life and I've learned something. The truth is that love is not perfect, but it can happen at first sight.
Did I always know that what I felt for you was love? No. I didn't realise it until it was too late. Until every fibre of my body begged for your attention and burned into ashes in devastating fire because it couldn't get it. The day I broke you, I broke myself too. You didn't deserve it but I did. I deserve way worse than that.
That day, I didn't leave, Porchay. I've seen you cry. I've seen it all, and I swear to you, it was the first time in my life when I almost couldn't bear the sight in front of my eyes. I've seen unimaginable things before, things that no one should ever witness. All that blood and violence, all of it faded compared to seeing you cry, seeing you so vulnerable, so broken, knowing that I was the one who did that to you. God, Porchay, it took everything in me not to run back to you, took you in my arms, and tell you how much I love you, how much you mean to me, but the thought of you being safe even if it meant losing you was better than having you by my side but living in constant fear of what ifs? What if someone would kidnap you again? What if someone would hurt you? What if someone would kill you? All because of me, because I have dragged you into this sick world.
Now I know how foolish I was. I was so fixated on myself, on what I was doing, on what I was trying to find out, on how I was feeling that I completely disregarded the fact that you are already part of my world because of your brother. You are in constant danger, no matter how much I hate it, whether you are with me or not. And what is the most important, something that I'll never forgive myself for — I didn't let you decide what you wanted, Porchay. You are grown up, you have your own feelings, and you have every right to decide for yourself. But I didn't give you a chance. I chose to break you instead of listening to your feelings. And, I am sorry, Porchay. I am so incredibly sorry for everything bad I have done to you.
