Generations: The Long Game

The Incident

TW: discussions of consent and non-consensual acts

Mia

She had already completed her specialty therapies this morning and was heading down the corridor to her talk therapy session. She chuckled to herself how common this has become. Never in her life would she have believed that she would work so hard on her own mental health let alone in a facility. Yet here she was six weeks in, and it was like second nature.

She was nervous to start this session. She had put off this one too long and it was now or never. "I need to talk about this incident before I go home. I hurt my wife. I promised I never would, but I did. I came home drunk one night. I climbed into bed with her, and I didn't panic. She was sleeping and I took advantage. It wasn't my intention. Her body was reacting to me, and I thought she had woken up. She hadn't. When she did, she shouted at me to get out. We never spoke about it. You know we had stopped talking about anything important. I feel horrible, and I want to fix it. I need her to know that she is still safe with me."

They spent the hour talking about the incident and how she could navigate the conversation that needed to be had. She was still feeling the acid that threatened to come up, but she also felt hopeful that once she and Charlotte dealt with this things might not be so bad.

Charlotte

Charlotte had been meeting Veronica three times a week for the last six weeks. She had come so far in such a brief period of time. She felt like her head was clearer somehow, and it showed in her everyday life. She had a routine to get all five children what they needed and when. When their routine was upset Charlotte didn't become frazzled. She was learning to adapt to changes. More importantly she was accepting far less blame for things she had no control over.

As she entered Veronica's office, she felt relaxed. Veronica quickly brought her back to their previous discussion about the incident that occurred the week before Mia left. Char had already admitted that they had once had an agreement that this type of interaction was okay for either one to initiate while the other was sleeping. They had engaged in sexual situations while drunk before too. Charlotte was struggling with feeling attractive after this incident because she felt if Mia had to get drunk to stomach touching her, she must not be attractive to her anymore.

That was a hard pill to swallow because Mia had always been so adoring and attentive. After many sessions with Veronica, she knew that this was irrational, but it didn't sooth the burn. With Christmas approaching this last session was more of a recap for Mia's visit. Charlotte wanted to listen to what Mia had to say, but she also wanted to be heard. It had never been her strong suit to be assertive, but now she knew that it was up to her to get what she wanted in her life and in her relationship.

Together again

Mia walked off the plane and her stomach was fluttering in a matter of moments they would know if all the work she was doing was working. She fully intended to scoop her wife up into the biggest hug when she saw her. She spotted Char and the panic didn't rise. She began to run to a wide-eyed Charlotte. As she made contact, she scooped her up and swung her around. Gently placing a now smiling and crying Charlotte down she leaned in and place the softest kiss on her wife's lips. "Hello, Sweetheart." They were both smiling and laughing and crying. Their emotions were high and raw, but in that moment in that airport they were the only two who existed in the entire world.

The drive home started in silence, but Mia kept physical contact, so Char thought now was a good time to talk. The children would be waiting, but this conversation couldn't. She pulled the car over and turned her body to look directly at Mia. Be direct that is what Veronica had said. "Mia before we get home, I want to talk about the night you came into the spare room. If you can give me a chance to speak and then I will do the same I think we can forgo battling emotional responses. Would that be, okay?" Mia nodded. "When I woke up that night I was hurt, but I was also angry. What I need you to know though was that I wasn't scared. We have always had our agreements, but with how things were I was surprised that you would think they still stood. Especially without a discussion. Mia, I hope we can get back to a place where we can have standing agreements again, but for now I would be most comfortable if we ask for consent explicitly like we did in the very beginning. I also need you to know why I was hurt. I woke up to everything I had wanted from you in the three months prior, but in my mind the only way you could find me attractive was to be near blackout drunk. After that I felt completely unattractive, and that is something I am still working on." She went silent. She knew she had to hear what Mia had to say on the matter, but she was proud of herself, and it showed on her face which elicited a smile from Mia.

"Charlotte, I am so sorry about that night. It never should have happened. It has been difficult these last two months not to talk to you about it on one of our calls, but you deserved a face-to-face talk. I was and am truly ashamed of what I did that night, and I will do anything that you need me to do. Anything for you to feel safe with me again. Charlotte, it has taken a lot of therapy and time for me to understand that the alcohol gave me that extra push, but it was the therapy that got me there. I didn't understand what was happening to me, but I have a greater understanding of it now. My mind was associating the object of my affection with the traumatic events of childbirth. Evidently it doesn't matter to the brain if that person can get you pregnant or not. The aversion to the possibility can become connected to your spouse no matter what gender. Sweetheart, you have always been attractive to me, and you always will be. You are everything I will ever want."

They embraced before getting back on the road. Mia was so happy to be back in Charlotte's presence. She just soaked everything in as Char told her all the things the children had been doing since she had been gone.