Have you ever wanted to enter the one piece world? Maybe you want to be friends with the strawhats, or the heart pirates? Perhaps you'd rather be dating one of them, or all of them!! Here you can do that, feel free to send in requests!!
RQ's - OPEN
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A/n: Okay so this does mention suicide, nothing too graphic but some slight mentions of suicidal ideation and attempting is in this story. Please bear that in mind reading on!!
Ever since you joined the marines you had quickly gained the approval of Vice Admiral Smoker. In fact he sort of took it upon himself to mentor you. You were young, but you had a lot of potential. Having no family yourself you sort of fell into a father/daughter like relationship.
He helped you train over and over, he listened whenever you had problems, he watched you rise through the ranks, from a simple errand girl, to a fully fledged marine, to joining the G-5 base when he transferred. You adapted to the grand line, but it was still a lot more hard work than loguetown ever was.
You trained hard, worked hard, and you always strived to make him proud, even if he didn't always voice it, you could tell. Before joining the marines you were just lost, scared, alone. You didn't see worth in life, and therefore you didn't see use in survival.
Until a marine picked you up, and you never looked back. Those thoughts were hard to overcome the first time, and though you had convinced yourself for a while you were fine, it was all a thinly veiled lie.
You really felt useless with G-5. You held them back. It was all you could do to make it through a day. On the sea the days blurred together, and you felt overwhelmingly anxious at the thought of finding yourself at odds with pirates.
It didn't help that Smoker was so busy lately. Locked away. Not only did he seem inaccessible, but Tashigi too. You spent countless days and nights just living on autopilot, until your brain felt like it snapped.
It was late. Everyone was asleep. So you assumed. Creeping out on to the deck you looked at the sky. Knowing the trouble you'd be in if you were caught. You made your way over to the gunwale, just staring out. It was peaceful. Quiet except for the lapping of the waves against the hull of the ship.
Looking into the dark water you lost yourself in your thoughts. A small voice told you to just jump. Nobody would know, and you'd heard whilst painful, you reach an inner peace when drowning, something you were searching for.
You continued staring at the water, everything around you was silenced as you were fixated. It'll be quick you told yourself. Better for everyone. Just do it. Do it. Jump. Do it. Goddamn just do it.
Before you knew it you were hoisting yourself over the rail, you closed your eyes in preparation, but instead of freezing water, you were hit with a gust of wind.. no.. opening your eyes you noticed it was smoke. Then two hands firmly planted on your shoulder.
"That'll get you killed" the familiar voice spoke. Gruff as usual, to anyone else it would seem emotionless, but you noticed the spike of anger, he knew of course that was the outcome you had wanted.
"Yeah.. I know" you mumbled, not turning to look at him, and he didn't make you. He was silent for a moment, his hands squeezed your shoulders.
"So why?" He eventually asked. You sighed. "I don't know.. I just.." you trailed off in your mutterings. Seemingly your brain and mouth weren't on the same page.
"Those thoughts have always been with you?" He posed it like a question, but really he already knew the answer. You nodded. Despite having those thoughts in the past you had never disclosed it to him. Yet he knew. Of course he did.
"Well I think it's stupid, to attempt that" he spoke bluntly. "Life holds much more, if you don't feel fulfilled in this life you find something else, you don't end it" he continued. You listened to him, silently, before turning to look at him. He was crouched, his hands still firmly planted on your shoulders. His cigars hung from his lips, but his eyes betrayed his words. They were almost glossy, and full of concern.
"I don't know what I'm suppose to do. I hold everyone back.. I'm beyond anxious about our next fights, we're barely making it out anymore.." you finally spoke the thoughts out loud.
Smoker just looked at you. "That just shows you're a good marine. Anxiety isn't weakness, it's real. One of these fights maybe we won't make it back, if that scares you, you don't have to force yourself through it". You expected him to sound disappointed but he didn't.
"If training doesn't make you feel confident enough, there's other jobs, other branches to go down" he continued.
"The only person being held back is you. If this isn't what you want, then don't hold yourself back from whatever life you truly want to live. You were too young to make the choice for yourself before, but now you can".
You looked at him gratefully for his words. They meant a lot to you.. and maybe.. maybe things would change for the better if you had a change of pace for a while.. maybe even leave for a while.
"What if I don't want to be a marine" you barely spoke above a whisper. He stayed so eerily calm you wondered if he even heard. He sat back, and tilted your head to look at him.
"As long as you're not a criminal, it's okay. I'll always be proud" he slowly let go of your chin. "Don't make this decision, when there's a thousand better options" he stood up and extended his hand out to you.
"I'm putting you on a watch marine. Unfortunately that means pausing your duties. Maybe even a transfer" he spoke sternly. You knew that meant though, he was willing to help you transfer if that's truly what you wanted.
You could always go and train hard at a marine base for a while and then come back after a little while, but for now you knew under his care you'd be okay. You'd overcome this once, you can again.
