My greatest hero

chapter 105

Loki was in his room, like he had been for days now, he head a knock at his door. He knew it was Thor, and he'd told him he could just come in.
"Thor, I've told you a thousand time you don't need to knock" he called, he stood up and went over to open the door. "You come at the same stupid time every morning" he said as he abruptly opened the door, but it wasn't Thor, it was sif. "Oh, sif, I'm sorry, I thought you were Thor" he said when he saw her.
"Are you insulting me, or your brother?" She asked jokingly. "No I just- he normally comes at this time" he said back, not really replying to her joking tone, he wasn't in the mood and didn't want to be funny back.
"I'm going out riding, will you join me?" She asked, his facial expression didn't change at all, he was a blank.
"No thank you" he said back, he didn't want to see people, and he didn't want to be outside. Sif could see he wasn't getting any better, he looked tired, and clearly wasn't taking care of himself if Thor came /everyday/ at the same time.
"Loki, it's been almost two weeks, no one ever sees you anymore, we all miss your company" Sif said kindly, he shook his head.
"I don't want to be around people" he said back.
"Well then come riding with me, I'm not people. And you need to get out of this room, you're just going to drive yourself insane" she insisted, he sighed a little. "Come on, please?" She asked again. He knew he should probably get out, and maybe getting away from the palace would help.
"Fine. I'll be right there" he said back, she smiled a little sadly and left him to get ready, he quickly changed and left to go meet with sif. He went to the stables where she was preparing her horse to go out. He started to do the same, neither of them said anything for a while and the silence was becoming to heavy.
"Eira would want you to be happy" sif finally said, loki had been waiting or this to come up, and was surprised it hadn't come up sooner.
"I know, i- I feel like moving on is somehow betraying her, I don't want to forget her" loki replied, trying not to choke on his words.
"No, never forget her, that's not what I'm saying-" she started, but loki cut her off.
"Then what are you saying?! Every time I think about her I'm miserable, the only way I can 'move on' is to forget her but I don't want to!" He yelled. "I want to have her, I don't want to let her go, I can't. You have no idea what I'm feeling, no one does. To have everyone see me as a villain, then finally meet someone who doesn't- and now everyone is telling me to 'move on', but you have no idea what you're asking" he said, a few tears slipping out of his eyes.
"I don't what you to forget her, loki" sif said, coming over to him and Putting her hand on his arm. "But it is possible to hold onto her without constantly living in torment over her death" she said back. Right now loki just wanted to get away form her and go back to his room to be alone, but he couldn't. "I won't tell you to move on, but I'll ask you this: what would she want you to do? Would she want you to drive yourself mad with grief? or be happy without her? I knew Eira pretty well, and she told me she hoped she'd never be the cause of your suffering" she continued, he didn't reply, he knew she was right, but it was so much easier to say it than to do it, he still felt the emptiness in his heart, but maybe he could at least try to be happy, maybe she was right and he could hold her memories without torturing himself. They got on their horses and were off, they walked pretty far from the palace, loki did feel a lot better physically, the sun felt good after being inside for so long, just being away from the palace made him feel less drowned by stares of sympathy, and sif was able to keep conversation going without bringing up Eira or anything that would remind him of her. They stopped by a river after a few hours of riding, the horses were drinking, and the two of them were just sanding by the edge of the water.
"Hey, remember that time you pushed me in?" He said with a little smile at the memory.
"Yes" she replied with the same smile. "And you swore revenge" she added with laughter.
"And I never got it" he said. "Well, better late than never" he added as he grabbed her arm and shoved her down into the river. She sprung up out of the water, shocked and taken completely by surprise, loki was laughing a little, but came over to help her out.
"And now we're even" he sad as they both got out of the water, he was still laughing, on a normal day she would've been mad, and probably would've started a sword fight if she had one and was wearing armor, but she was just glad he was smiling and laughing for the first time in so long.
"Loki" she said. He looked at her in response, he wasn't laughing anymore, but at least he had been.
"It's good to see you smile" she said, he smirked a little sadly.
"It's good to have something to smile about" he replied. "Thank you. For today, thank you" he said. She nodded. They noticed it was getting late and they should get back, they got back on their horses and started to head back to the palace. Loki thought about what sif had said, that Eira never would've wanted to be the cause of his suffering, and he knew she was right, he knew he should try to let go, but it was so hard, and he loved her so much