My greatest hero

chapter 106

The next day loki woke up and decided he didn't want to spend the whole day in his room, he didn't care if he did the same boring things he'd been doing, but he at least wanted to be somewhere else. He grabbed a book to read, and a sketchbook he'd been using for a while now, and a few of his knives in case he wanted to practice throwing. He left the room ad realized he wasn't really sure where to go, he still didn't want to see people, and he didn't really want to get on a horse again. He walked a little aimlessly down the long halls until he came to a door that made him go back years. It was the room he'd taught Eira to control her powers in, part of him wanted to go in, and part of him wanted to run from the memories. He put his hand on the doorknob, never had opening a door been such a difficult task, but it felt weird, he could never figure out what it felt like, it didn't make him sad, he just felt like he was going back in time almost. He pushed the door open and walked in. A big empty room. That's all it was. Everything Seemed so far away, but at the same time seemed like yesterday. He shook his head to snap himself back to the present. He sat down on the ground, leaning against the wall, and started to read, he didn't realize how long he'd been in there, and figured Thor was probably looking for him by now.
'Whatever, he'll find me if he needs me' he thought. About an hour later he heard Thor calling for him.
"I'm in here" he called back, but apparently Thor didn't hear, because he kept calling.
"I'm in here you idiot!" Loki yelled louder as he continued to read. "Hey, you alright?" Thor asked as he came in. Loki put down the book.
"Define 'alright'" loki said back, Thor sat down next to him.
"Well you're not hiding in your room, that's good" Thor said encouragingly.
"Yeah, it's way better to hide in here" loki said sarcastically with a smirk. Thor laughed a little, but then noticed loki was staring at the wall and his eyes were getting glassy.
"Did it feel this terrible when I died?" Loki asked, Thor nodded a little.
"Yes. When you died the first time it was horrible, I felt like it was my fault, I kept thinking 'he was my little brother and I let him fall off a bridge, I made him /want/ to fall off a bridge' then the second time it was because I dragged you to Svartalfhiem with me. My fault again." Thor said, recalling the feeling he had when he lost loki. "I just kept thinking she'd come back, maybe she'd pull some kind of trick and show up in the middle of the night. But then I burned her body, and now there's not even a little bit of hope" Loki sad back. "It's never easy loosing someone, there's always pain, the important thing is what you do with that pain, do you control it? Or does it control you?" Thor told him. Loki was silent for a moment before he spoke.
"I think I'd rather control it" he said. He felt a weight lifted, everyone before was telling him to move on, which in a way is saying not to feel that pain anymore, but that's just impossible, now Thor was telling him that the pain might not leave, but you just can't let it govern your life. "Hey what's this?" Thor asked as he leaned down and pick up Loki's sketchbook, he saw a look of slight panic in Loki's face for a second.
"What, don't want me to see?" He said a little teasingly as he stood up.
"Thor give that back" loki said, trying to grab it back. Thor smirked a little.
"Wow, you really want to keep this a secret don't you?" He asked, he didn't know if loki was really mad, but everything lately had been so in-depth that he thought it would be nice I have some light hearted fun.
"Yes, I don't want you to see them." Loki said back
"Well now I just don't think I could live with the curiosity" Thor said as he opened up the book. In it there was a picture of Eira that loki had drawn, she was sitting outside, resting her elbows on her knees. Her hair was pulled over to one side and it looked like she was nervously playing with it.
"Is this a picture of Eira?" Thor asked. "Alright, you've had your fun. Yes, it's Eira, now give it back" loki said, a little embarrassed
"Wait, this-" Thor started, then chuckled a little. "This is from before you were married" he said teasingly. "I liked her before we were married" loki said back defensively, feeling his face turning red.
"I never would've thought of you as a 'draw a picture of your crush' kind of guy" Thor said as he handed the book back to loki, still trying to contain laughter.
"So did you come here to mock me for drawing, or did you actually have a reason?" Loki asked, trying to change the topic. Thor's face got a little more serious.
"What?" Loki said, hoping he wasn't about to tell him Eira was pregnant with twins.
"Um, I have something for you, but I don't know if it'll make you worse" Thor replied, a little hesitantly.
"What is it?" Loki asked.
"A note from Eira." Thor said, pulling out a folded piece of paper and handing it to loki. He looked at it for a little while, but he didn't open it. "Thank you" he said putting it into his pocket. "It was found in her old room, I don't Know what it says" Thor said back. Loki nodded, He didn't know what it said and he was afraid to find out, he knew she wouldn't say anything discouraging, but he just didn't want to get worse right when he was starting to get better. Thor stared to leave, but turned around again.
"Hey, have you been drawing anyone else in your spare time?" He asked with a smirk. Loki rolled his eyes.
"Shut up" loki said back with a slight smile. They both left the room, loki went back to his room and pulled out the note, he sat down and just looked at it, flipping it over and Over again in his hands, it was just a note with a wax seal, nothing special. On the back it had written: 'When I'm no longer with you'
But that was it. he set it down on the mantle above the fireplace, still unopened.
"I love you my darling" he said as a tear escaped his eye.