cool and unusual punishment

i am weak

me, crawling out of the pit that is 2048: that will never happen again

a friend, allegedly: have you heard about slither.io 

me: no

me 8 hours later: *blasting edgy music while playing slither.io*

me, crawling out of the pit that is slither.io: that will never happen again

a friend, allegedly: you should get back on clash

me: no

me two weeks later: *running for cat president on the godforsaken app i swore to forget about*

me, crawling out of the pit that is clash of cats: *shaking stray children off my legs* that will never happen again

a friend, allegedly: have you heard about ballz

me: 

***

me: i am fully recovered from my back injury and am ready for anything the coach needs me to do today

my coach: we're 2king (erg testing, think a mile-long sprint on the rowing machine)

me: except that

my coach: and now we're doing six minute pieces full press

me, with one foot completely out of the stretcher: or that

my coach: in sixteen miles per hour wind

me, drenched in water: i have accepted death 

***

me: *planning stories*

a casual acquaintance: Oh my gosh, you write? that's so cool!

me: *typing furiously* yeah i definitely write. on occasion. like a hobby.

casual acquaintance: ok so what do you write about

me: *closes laptop slowly* i was doing math homework

casual acquaintance: your math homework is an eighty page epic story about someone named "jackaltooth"

me: it's really complex math