cool and unusual punishment

i want to be where the talk of the town is

Today I went on a walk with a friend- I don't know how close we are, given that this is the first time I've ever done anything with her out of school- but we hiked for miles and talked and talked and it rained and honestly I just feel glad to be alive.

For some reason I remembered this song when I was hiking and I don't really... know why my brain made the jump? It does that sometimes, just drags something in like a cat bringing dead animals into the house, and then I'm like "okay thanks but why"

When I was young, I was a bit of a "special child". I used to sit in a corner with my beanbag, magazines, those weird sensory toys, and I'd listen to Easy Listening music or Jack Johnson to calm my nerves.

It's oddly comforting. Despite being music I heavily associate with my childhood and literally being the soundtrack to something that is *definitely* a children's movie I can't help but love the songs. Jack Johnson is just so sincere and his lyrics are so good. 

(Upside Down is pretty great too.) 

The rest of the weekend has been... interesting? I ended up getting a bunch of books from the library and finally read the books my friends wrote forever ago that I told them I'd get around to... months ago? I mean, Wattpad friends, but also real friends. 

Lots of reading. 

I'll still try on those last few chapters but I can't promise anything. The pain from my stomach has been increasing and it turns out I'm going to need an ultrasound and we don't know what it is. Maybe parasites, maybe an irritation, maybe even some kind of lump or something else... not good. This had to happen the week before Canada, too. Not like I wanted to row or anything. 

Yeesh. 

Anyways like I said I'll still *try* to update and next week is testing week... which sounds like it should drag me down but ACTUALLY I don't have to go into school until like... 10:30? It's just standardized testing not finals who even gives a fuck 

I'll have est. 9 chapters done including the six I wanted for Staycation done by... Wednesday hopefully because I don't want to have this on my shoulders when I'm heading to Canada. 

I mean... hopefully? Pray for me y'all.

I've also been pretty frustrated lately over comment/vote dips which is in no way anyone here's fault but it's just been something that... I don't know, it really gets to me, because I've been doing this so long and I still don't think I have a solid niche in the community. Is my stuff that hard to get into? Am I ever going to build that audience? 

I know I should be doing it for the love of the craft, and of course I am, and the LACK of comments won't stop or slow me, but it'll always be there at the back of my mind, nagging me. I was considering doing contests at some point but it's... gone poorly in the past? I also do so much actual writing it's hard to find time to moderate things... ironic I know.

Well this has been Chrona, rambling. Sorry. Thanks? 

The world is okay kids. I'm not actually that bitter.