cool and unusual punishment

fire emblem is a quality game series

what's the point in fire emblem awakening if i can't fire emblem go the fuck back to sleep

anyways so i said i'd read a bunch of wattpad chapters over the break and instead i just had another existential crisis that i fixed by talking to people (as opposed to last year where i stayed alone in my aunt's house for eight hours every day and listened to forests by duologue while eyeing the razor in the guest bathroom) and playing fire emblem awakening because fates is hard and i don't have the time to git gud

i'd say spoilers ahead but really if you play fire emblem for the plot i'm a little concerned 

first of all let me just say that i picked the worst character to romance because besides being somewhat attractive lon'qu is really not all that interesting and his stats did not gel well with my magic based character. 

second let me say on top of this that throughout the plot chrom is relentlessly devoted to the avatar and at first it was really funny but then he just keeps going. my favorite part was when he calls the avatar "his best friend" right in front of his wife and the even better part where four people died in the endgame and chrom gave this massive speech to the army like "i'd like to talk about all the valiant sacrifice that was made today, but especially that of the avatar"

"chrom four people died today"

"does anyone remember that time the avatar and i had a conversation after my daughter from the future held her at swordpoint and the avatar almost let said daughter kill her? because i remember that."

"chrom get off the stage" 

anyways apparently chrom will behave this way regardless of the avatar's gender so i'm just going to come out and say it: chrom is definitely pansexual. this is chromfirmed. chranon. 

all in all i've only played two games, both of which are arguably the most entrenched in fanservice, but the fire emblem series is a delightful mix of colorful characters, engaging strategy, and just overall a good time. however more important than all of these things is that in fates your unit is a dragon and several of the male romance options is a werewolf. do most video games series let you turn into a dragon and run on a violent rampage with your werewolf husband and your two abomination of nature children? i don't think so. checkmate nintendo haters.