aka I used to write spoofs and even though I swore them off for my personal health several years ago sometimes they creep into my mind and I feel immediately guilty
(most of these are Adamegevan because of course they are. also none of these are canon)
Symbolism?
Evan: I've been thinking.
Serena: That's always dangerous.
Evan: Serena, shut up. Anyways. Has anyone noticed that I got fire powers and Megan got water powers? Do you think that means anything?
Megan: I guess opposites attract.
Serena: Really? What does that make Adam?
Evan: A novelty.
---
The Team Goes To Canada
(Everyone is inexplicably heading on a field trip out of country. Roll with it. It's the only way we can get these over with.)
Evan: Hey, looks like we're going to need to declare all offensive weapons before we cross the border. Anyone have any- *clutches seat, yells into back* GIANT SWORDS?
Adam: Evan, the most offensive weapon we have in this car is your mouth.
---
Will is A Great Brother
Will: Aww, a gift card to an art store! How nice of you to completely circumvent putting meaningful thought into your present.
Adam: No problem.
Will: Anyways, I got you something a little more... tangible. *hands him a large, box-shaped package* Open it.
Adam: *rolls his eyes, opens the package. Inside is a large bottle of extra virgin olive oil.*
Will: Because you're the most extra virgin I know. ;)
Adam: Thanks, Will. Now, if you'll excuse me... I've got to put this away.
*sighs, walks into kitchen*
*places the full bottle on a rack full of near-full bottles of virgin olive oil, then wearily closes the pantry*
---
Compulsory Heterosexuality
Anthem: I have news. We are being published.
Adam: What? Us?
Megan: Sweet!
Evan: the Dreamland kids are noooooot going to like this.
Anthem: Neither are you. See, the publisher has requested some... interesting changes, to make the book more palatable for a general audience. First of all, we're going to make Adam an underdog, since he's currently... err, incredibly unlikeable-
Adam: Thanks Anthem.
Anthem: Furthermore, certain scene changes will be made to tone down the class-skipping you all have been up to. It sends the wrong message. We may even have to get a teacher chaperone in there.
All: [groan]
Anthem: Finally, no one gets the poly trio. Megan is going to be damselled down while still retaining a "hip, feminist edge" and Evan? You and Serena are going to spend half of the book pretending to hate each other-
Evan: Pretending.
Anthem: -and then you'll realize, spontaneously, that you have a lot of unspoken sexual tension, whereupon the two of you will make out. On screen.
Evan: [speechless]
Adam: ... *smirking out of the corner of his mouth* nice
Serena: I'm going on strike
Anthem: You can't go on strike. We don't exist.
[deep moment of existential dread is shared between them]
Find us at your local dollar store, coming 20schneventeen.
Deja Vu.
It's never getting published anyways.
---
This Premise Was A Joke Before I Made A Book Out of It I'm So Sorry
Adam: Will.
Will: Adam.
Adam: Will, why do you have cactus spikes embedded in your arm?
Will: I tripped.
Adam: ... and down your back.
Will: I tripped multiple times.
Adam: ...
Will: *sweating intensely* ...
Adam: that seems legitimate *opens door*
Will: Where are you going?
Adam: to get groceries
Will: ... alone? With no car?
Adam: I have strong arms Will
Will: ... I have no problems with this
Adam, out the door: Wow, I can't believe that he didn't ask any follow-up questions. I pity my brother's lack of perception and inability to recognize my alluring but dangerous double life.
Will, picking cactus spikes out of his arm: Wow, I can't believe that he didn't ask any follow-up questions. I pity my brother's lack of perception and inability to recognize my alluring but dangerous double life.
The moral is to be kind to your siblings and ruthlessly interrogate loved ones you suspect might be living a magical double life so you can get in on that shit.
YOU ARE READING
cool and unusual punishment
Randomchrona in high definition but low resolution why do i even live
