cool and unusual punishment

chrona's adventures in rowing and compulsory heterosexuality

tomorrow is mother's day. this is funny because due to crew i have come completely unprepared for mother's day which is funny because i've also been working on a story (Deja Vu) where the same thing occurs

i mean, in their book, it's the end of the world that prevents them from Treating Their Mother Properly and in my life it's just crew and my inability to remember dates but close enough

so i'm guessing a lot of you are wondering why my title is such shitty clickbait but unfortunately, you've clicked it, so i guess the bait was successful

WHOOPS 

Anyways as a few of you might know I came... out??? to my parents about six months ago during the worst three months of my life. While those months are a story in and of themselves, I don't want to claim I experienced anything that I can't prove I did (I never really got diagnosed with anything besides SPD (and i was like three then) so let's assume I was just being a little dramatic) buuuuuuuut I spent most of that time trying to convince myself I deserved to be alive, lost all interest in social activity, and ended up not learning anyone's names at the beginning of school year (hence to this day there are people I correspond with regularly and I... just don't know their names)

As you can guess Coming Out was the icing on the cake.

It wasn't by choice, my parents wanted to check something on my phone and I began acting incredibly shifty. They assumed I had something to hide like... drug use or something... and then I refused to give them the password and broke down sobbing before they could get it out of me. Eventually I just admitted I didn't want them to see texts I had written to a close friend of mine about our relationship.

They were... accepting, but they treat it the same way they treat my introversion- that is to say, I got the following:

"Are you sure?" (no but that's why i need to do this)

"But you don't seem like..../but you dated a guy..." (um yes. bi. as in both. as in)

"Why do you have to think about sexuality now? Why can't you just be <Chrona>?" (had no problems with me dating a boy and heavily implied I should be dating others)

"We just don't want you to narrow down your options." (you seemed perfectly fine with cutting off half of the population so i don't see why this is a problem) 

and then they never spoke of it again, which I'm cool with, but they also told me to "stop flaunting it" to my friends which essentially means We're Okay With Gay, But Please Just Don't Talk About It Ever So We Don't Actually Have To Deal With It.

(Okay well my mom totally stopped me one day and was like "Hey are you in love with <friend>" and I said nothing but seriously it took you five years to guess? Cool mom)

they were more upset when i told them i played dnd though so props to them for being alright

As such, and because I don't want to make people... uncomfortable... I've never disclosed my sexuality to my teammates at crew. I don't *want* to come out to them, I do not plan to, and knowing that they don't think of me as an outsider despite our vastly different set of interests is one of the more reassuring things in my life.

Still, as of late a bunch of girls on my boat have made comments like "man that girl is a qt" or "dude you're so hot" "u too" "holy shit are we gay for each other" 

and i mean they're joking and i'm not offended but i'm just sitting there like 

yeah you guys are cute no duh 

everyone on the crew team is not only incredibly smart but also terribly attractive and athletic. date a crew girl. idc what gender you are. they're perfect. date them. 

(also i've totally crushed on like, four people on the team. not in a "can we date" way but more like "holy shit... they're cute" way)

i feel like eventually they're either going to find out or i'll just casually panic my way into fucking this up 

also on the rowing side we lost states today and everyone cried like we all came in thinking this would be the year but not only did we get fourth by .2 of a second (kill me) but the 1v got sixth

but we still had a good time and hugged it out and wrote a bunch of sappy messages to each other afterwards. knowing this is one of the last days we're officially "a boat" kills me a little bit, even if i was bouncing around all season i love these girls

(post note: my parents are actually really ok and i appreciate them a lot. i know i sounded really bitter in this chapter and i'm not going to lie, i am a little more than upset about well... a lot of this... but sometimes people hold certain views and while they're awful and we wish we could just change them overnight sometimes it doesn't work that way and it doesn't make them horrible people, defaultly.) 

(post post note: evan drake is best background character pass it down)