Secret Love Nest

Dayu's House of Drama and Melancholy

Welcome to Dayu's House of Drama and Melancholy. Where we will make you feel sad and lonely and miss someone even though you are the happiest person in the world right now.

Caution: Proceed at your own peril

Sigh...sigh...sigh...

I'm home alone tonight. Actually this is the third night that I will spend alone without my Qing ah. He  is currently in a photoshoot stint abroad (as to where, I won't be in liberty to tell you guys) and he has to stay there for five days cause he is also doing a hosting gig for a travel documentary.

But I miss him so much!!! (Insert crying here)

Last night he called me, telling me in a hush, breathy tone that he missed me so much and he followed that with a thorough explicit explanation of what he will do to me when he got home. By the time he was done all the bones in my body were already melted and I feel good and nice and ready to sleep. But those orgasms felt like a lifetime away already. I feel like an addict that needed his fix and that fix is Wang Qing.

He won't be able to call me tonight though. Sigh...sigh...sigh...

I'm scared. (I'm alone with my own thoughts so of course it will do what it do best, overthink) Wang Qing accused me of doing this a lot. Overthink about things that are trivial and of no consequence, he made me sound like I have a bubble for a brain that is empty of substance. I hate him sometimes but right now I can't hate him because I miss him and I want him to come home and by God it's been three freaking days already...how long do I have to wait in this godforsaken, you know what...

I need to calm down...

Let's have a do over shall we and I will welcome you to the way of Dayu's brain thinking. Welcome everyone...welcome *sigh sadly*

I'm scared. I think I'm slowly depending my happiness to Qing. I feel happy when I'm with him. I feel complete, I feel content. Like everything makes sense.

But without him...I sometimes feel lost. Like now, I really don't know what to do. I'm thinking if Qing is here then I will have no time to write these thoughts for he will keep me busy in bed until we both fell asleep. But since he's not here, I have all this space and time alone. So I'm writing while trying not to feel suffocated.

Have you had someone like that in your life? Someone that is a big part of your life, that fills up your space to almost overflowing, that when they are not beside you they leave this big, blackhole like space in your life? Like you don't know what to do with that so much space and time you are left with nothing to do but write silly words and phrases that are so sad they are breaking your heart all over again?

Yeah I don't have one like that too in my life. I mean I love Qing and I miss him but really? A blackhole like space? What kind of lovesick idiot will write and feel something like this to someone? *insert awkward coughing*. Fine fine! So I miss him like he takes every stars in the night with him when he left! Happy now?!

Anyway, putting that drama aside, that is why I'm writing that I'm scared. Am I being overly dependent on him? I'm a man, shouldn't I be more dependent on myself than to others? Sure I love Wang Qing and he makes me happy but I also knew how to get what I want and to make myself happy before, so why can't I do that now?

Rumbling rumbling thoughts, now I have a headache.

I don't want you all to think that I just spent all this time moping around like a lost kitten without his Mommy Cat. I tried different stuffs, I do, I swear. I tried watching movies (but it's more fun to hear Qing's rambling comments when we watch it together. Sure it's annoying but it's also endearing, right?) I tried listening to music but all my playlists include one or two of his music (And I feel like hearing his voice made me miss him more or may make me cry...so no). I tried reading but then I miss someone caressing my head or my thighs like how he does it when we read together (So he can't keep his hand off me, sue him!). I tried lurking in weibo and reading comments but like me, Baba's daughters miss him too so now on top of me pitying myself, I pity his daughters too. (This is all depressing isn't it)

At this point I'm thinking of trying to earn a new skill: maybe baking? But I checked our pantry and I'm missing some basic ingredients to make at least a cupcake (no flour) and I can't be bothered to go out and shop for some. Besides, shopping with Wang Qing is whole lot more fun than shopping alone. Have you guys seen our Counterattack bts videos? He insist on paying and carrying my bags so that makes shopping with him fun. And he also puts his arms around me and help me try out clothes and let me order my favorite food when we are out...or something like that.

I should stop thinking about him eh...

Should I go to a club and maybe dance? Or here in the house? I mean, I'm all alone so I can dance as fast or as slow as I want and maybe even naked. Naked dancing, that would be fun right? But I learned from experience that dancing and being naked are more fun and sexier with him...(oh hu hu hu)

Or maybe visit a restaurant and eat my favorite dish? How about run around the neighborhood to expend this pent up energy? A round of basketball? Call my friends and ask them to hang out?

Oh I just realize that I can do many things without him. That's nice but sad at the same time because I can't muster even a little bit of interest to do any if it.

Qing won't be happy to know that I'm slowly losing my mind while missing him. Nope, he won't be happy at all. I can actually hear his voice telling me that if I don't stop feeling down, he will pick me up and dump me in a tub full of ice cold water so my mind will turn numb and stop thinking.

Qing is good like that. He won't let me wallow in my own misery. He stops me from overthinking. He puts a brake in all my rumbling. He's like a quiet to my storm. A immovable force to my unstoppable mind. He can turn off the noise in my head so it will be filled with quiet and I can rest.

I miss him. I miss him so much. And I need him beside me to quiet the noise my rumbling mind and fast beating heart creates. He's solid that way. Strong, realiable, dependable....no wonder I feel lost without him. Like a wooden boat in the middle of a sea while the storm is raging and the winds are blowing it in all directions, slowly withering the boat until it gets tired of hanging on and let the sea drown it in misery (wow this a good analogy but depressing too)

When will he come home? I need him here...