Secret Love Nest

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I spent almost two hours talking to Qing last night on the phone. Both my ears are hurting from spending too much time kissing my phone but I have no regrets.

Talking to Qing when we are not together is next best thing to actually being together.

Two hours on the phone?! What the heck did you guys talked about for two hours? Only girls do that!

No! Stop being sexist people. Guys do talk long hours on the phone too. I once witnessed Qing talked to Wang Zhu Gege for a whole afternoon. Granted he talked with an earpiece on his ear and they are discussing stocks and profits but a whole freaking afternoon, I am not kidding.

Anyway, back to us and our conversation last night. Well to inform you guys, Qing and I can talk everything under the sun or moon and stars (let's not discriminate the night)

We can talk about current events, politics, movies, music, his drama, our families, gossip about our friends, what we ate at dinner, what we want to do on our next vacation, plans for the future, favorite things, our history, gross things, fashion, latest online games, our moot sex life...

Anything, really. We are quite the conversationalists, Qing and I.

But that's how we are when we talk to each other. We also have our private jokes (a couplely thing) and we finish each other sentences.

Qing called me last night. I was so happy when I saw his name flashed on the screen of my phone. To be honest, I don't call Qing when he is away because I know he will be busy shooting, I try being considerate that way even if I miss him so much.

So him calling is a treat for me and I dove the bed just to get to my phone that is lying on top of it. (Picture that in your mind, me diving on the bed in eagerness to hear his voice. Yeah I am hopeless that way)

But the main reason why he called was told to me the first minute that he called.

Here's that conversation...

Me: (ecstatic) Hi.

Qing: Hi love...

Me: Your scenes are done already?

Qing: Taking a break. The script is being revised by the directors and the writers. The crew gets to eat and rest, as the actors too. I am in my room, I am waiting to be called again.

Me: (rolling to lie on my back) Your manager and assistant?

Qing: Outside and eating.

Me: You sound tired. Why?

Qing: Not tired exactly. More like stressed and anxious. I feel nervous the whole day. I don't think I am giving my best while shooting my scenes. I feel like I am making mistakes and the team is not happy with me right now...

Qing also had moments like this. When he doubted himself and his ability to act. I think all new actors had moments like this, I know I had moments like this when shooting dramas and movies. The feeling of being too nervous that you can't perform as how the directors want you to perform.

Qing: I made too many mistakes. Too many takes. I don't know...

Poor guy...

Me: Stop being hard on yourself. Making a mistake is normal Qing. But harping on that mistake will only push you to make more mistakes. Take some deep breath and start again...

I listen to him take those deep breaths.

Me: Now, forget those mistakes. They are over and done. You know your lines, your director is giving you the instructions, you know your role, you fit that role, that character is you. Stop stressing and start thinking and doing. If you make a mistake again...say sorry to everyone and start again.

Qing: (laughing a little) Why does it seem so easy when you are telling those things?

Me: Because I believe you can do it. I know you and I know how much you memorized those lines and how much preparation you did for this role. You will not waste those efforts you made. You made the investment already Qing, now do the work to earn that profit.

I deliberately use business terms so he can understand.

Qing: (after some silent moments) You believe in me that much?

Me: Yes. I trust you that much. Not to pressure you more but yes, I believe in you. And you have to believe in yourself that you can do this. Nobody will fit that role but you. You can do this...

I can't see him (we should have done the video call instead) but somehow I know that he is smiling.

Qing: Thank you Dayu.

Me: Stop worrying and start doing. That's what you always told me. And if nothing works, there's always our favorite motto. No need to look down...

Qing: Just jump!

We laugh together. I can feel his stress leaving him with the sound of his laughter.

Qing: You are too good to me my Little Squirrel.

Me: Just always remember that I am here waiting for you. No matter if you make too many mistakes or if you are perfect. I am eagerly waiting for you to come home.

Qing: And you just made my day with those words.

Then my job here is done. I gave myself a congratulatory slap on my back. If I can eliminate even just a little of his nervousness then I will call that as a win.

Me: Have you eaten anything?

When Qing is stressed he forgets to eat.

Qing: Not yet.

Me: Tsk tsk...eat something. Maybe your mind can't function properly because you are hungry. Eat some food and maybe you will feel better. But not too much...we don't want indigestion now.

Qing: (laughing) I will. But later, when the nervousness left my stomach.

Me: Good. So...next topic. Thank you for the flowers.

I received some flowers via delivery from him. It's to congratulate me for the release of the teaser for the movie I participated in. I am not the main lead of course but I am happy I get to do a movie and work with wonderful actors and make some new friends too.

Qing: Did you like them?

Me: (giggling) I love them. I put them in a vase and place it here inside our room.

Qing: (sounding satisfied) Good.

Then we change the topic. And change it again and again until almost two hours had passed. I said goodbye and urge him to eat. He said he will because it looks like the shooting was packed up until the next day.

Qing: I love you.

Me: I love you too. Be safe.

Qing: I will. And I will message you if I am done here and on the way back to you.

That will be at least five more days.

Me: I will wait. And try calling again if you have time.

Qing: I will. Sleep tight my Little Squirrel.

Me: You too.

Qing: Thank you again Dayu. I feel a lot better now. Hearing your voice done half of the job.

I laugh in giddiness and we ended the call.

I lie there on the bed, looking at the ceiling and smiling. I should worry but like I said, I believe in Qing.

I think I will believe in him even if everybody will doubt him. That makes me a lovesick fool so in love with him but who cares. Not me.

To make the man of my life feel a lot better about himself is a satisfying job for me. If I can give Qing the confidence he needs to do his job and reach for his dream, I will think that I am spending my life really well.

I think I am here to do that. Be by his side and give him support. Like how he is for me.