Secret Love Nest

Holding Hands

You know what's wonderful?

Holding hands...

It's so simple really. Your hand in his hand, your fingers tangled together. You felt the warmth of his hand enveloping yours. You feel the strength of his hold. When you are holding someone's hand, you don't feel alone.

You don't feel too scared.

My Maman got sick. She is my grandmother. When I was a child, both my parents work that's why most of the time I am left to my Maman's care. She cooks the most delicious foods, from Di San Xian to fried ducks to sweet candied jackfruit. She dotes on me too. While helping her make candied fruits, she would ask me to sing and dance to entertain her. She encourages me to dream.

She's normally a healthy lady. She seldom got sick. But for some reason, a few days ago, she contacted a fever and she had difficulty in breathing. Mom called me, my Maman is her mother, crying and worrying. Telling me to come to a hospital near them so I can see my Maman. I rushed to go there after the call ended.

The doctors said my Maman is suffering from pneumonia. It was a simple sickness to cure in this advanced world of medicine but my Maman's age and lower immune system is making the battle harder than they expected.

All through our conversation with the doctors I was holding on to my emotion with supreme control. I can't lose my shit now, my Mom needs me. But inside, I was so scared. People can die from pneumonia, you know. I know my Maman is strong and she will fight but...nope...not gonna go there.

After consoling my mother, I excused myself to find a quiet corner where I can worry on my own. I close my eyes, feeling my heartbeats racing inside my chest, my breathing came faster and faster as fear invade my whole body. I started shaking. I can't lose my Maman. Not now! Not yet! I still want to show her more of what I can do. I want to make her more proud of me. I can't lose her now! I...I...

Someone held my hand. I was startled and when I turn to see who it is, tears blurred my vision when I saw Qing looking at me.

Withour uttering one word, he gathered me in his arms. His hold gentle and warm. His hand caressed my head then he started murmuring words on my temple.

Qing: Stop worrying. Shut that active mind of yours. That won't help you and her. Calm down. Breath with me. Inhale, hold it, now exhale.

We did the breathing exercise a few more times before I finally felt the calmness replacing the fear in me. Qing continued to hold me.

Qing: (after making sure that I am not panicking anymore) I came as fast as I can after talking to your assistant. Why did you turn off your phone?

Me: I need to concentrate for my Mama. She needs me.

Qing: Then be strong. Stop worrying yourself to death, your fear is not happening yet. She is fighting, fight with her.

Me: (eyes closed, head against his collarbone, nodding) Thank you for coming. Did you cancel something to be here?

Qing: (chuckling) No. Luckily, some stupid politician became the biggest breaking news today, some people are too stupid letting themselves be caught having an affair. All the news network are clamoring for that story. My interview was postponed.

Me: (leaning out to look at his eyes) Are you saying you won't be like that politician? That you knew a way so I won't catch you having an affair?

Qing: (smiling sheepishly) Good! You are back to your old self. My job here is done, you are not worrying anymore.

Me: Yeah. Not worrying about Maman anymore, you are right, she is fighting. But now I am worried if I have to look for more clues to know if you are being busy with someone else on the side.

Qing: (sarcastically) Yeah, I am so having an affair. Cause I need more headaches in my life. You and your crazy antics are not enough to drive me insane, I am looking for more rocks to hit my head.

I can't help but smile at his deadpanned expression. Qing released me from his hug then he took one of my hand and held it tight.

Qing: You are not alone. Don't be afraid, I will be here beside you.

I nodded and we return to my parents side. We had a long night. My Maman's condition became a roller coaster ride for us. She will be stable for one minute, the next her breathing will act up again and the doctors will rush to her side to give her some breathing aid and medicine. It goes on and on until the next morning when her fever broke and her breathing difficulty got longer and longer intervals.

When the doctors finally declared that my Maman is on her way to full recovery, it was already afternoon. We have been at the hospital for a full day now. But at least we can breath easily knowing she will be fine now.

Qing and I get to see her when she woke up and lucid enough to talk. She patted my cheek, silently telling me not worry anymore. I stopped myself from crying so she won't worry for me. I gave her a big, bright smile and sang some lines from her favorite song in my broken, croaky voice. Then she went back to her healing sleep.

All through that, Qing held my hand. He made sure I ate something, even if all I can manage to swallow are water and soup. He let me rest my head on his shoulder, told me to close my eyes and try to take some rest and nap. He held my hand on the worst of Maman's condition. He held my hand while the doctors told us that Maman makes it and he held my hand as I hug my crying mother who is very relieved and thankful that her own mother had won the fight against pneumonia.

We got home the next day. Qing and I slept on the sofa inside my Maman's hospital room. Sitting side by side with one blanket on our lap. We agreed to go back home after Maman threatened me that she will escape the hospital if I won't go back to Beijing. She is fine now and not dying so I need to work now to give her all the luxuries she deserved as payment for taking care of me. Now you know where I got my attitude.

I thanked her for fighting. For getting better. I thanked my parents for staying at her side to take care of her. I promised to call everyday for updates on my Maman's condition. I prayed and thanked the Almighty above who refuses to take my Maman back in His paradise.

Most of all I feel grateful to the man I love. For holding my hand, for not letting me go. For his calming effect on me. For his steadfast support. For being the strongest wall I can lean onto when it feels like my world is slowly unraveling all around me. Qing's hand is so warm and strong that he can vanish the demon my own head created.

That's why holding hand is amazing. It is simple. Very easy to do. Most of all it's free...

Maybe that is the reason why some said that the best things in this life are free. Holding someone's hand is one of them.