Erotic Wolf

James and Cole

What was I doing? He was my mate and I was just letting him walk away. He wouldn't be gone forever but still. A year is a long time to hear nothing but the occasional howl. He hasn't been gone an hour and I was already pining for him. James. I love him. I know I did, but my scars just wouldn't heal. They just kept burning every time I thought of that day. The memory would attack me every time someone touched me.

Not James though. Every time his body accidentally brushed against mine or he touched me without thinking, it felt great. I wanted more but didn't deserve more. I know the  excuse I had given Beck but deep down it was more.

  I didn't feel James deserved a used mate. When I first saw him I thought he was cute. His boyish good looks drew me in imediately. I didn't feel I deserved him then but now I definetly didn't. Over the past nine months James had changed. My heart skipped a beat the first time he walked out of the forest with that dear. He had a proud glow and the promise of food over his shoulder. My wolf was purring in pride that day. Now he was a gorgeous man. I didn't deserve to have a big strong handsome mate that could take care of me. How could I when I failed the one thing your mate expected of you? To wait for them.

Too bad I was a selfish person. Even muddied I wanted my mate. Connor and Jamie assured me time and time again that I deserved James and that he wanted me no matter what. Beck always tried to tell me what happened to me wasn't my fault. None of it mattered though. None of them could change my mind. I didn't deserve James...But did James deserve to be mateless? Did he deserve a mate?

I looked out my bedroom window to the front lawn. James was long gone now. Probably setting up in his cabin. I had watched him walk away from this window and hour ago and have been too busy  warring with my emotions to move.

A sudden knock on the door startled me out of my thoughts. I turned to see Connor standing at my door.

"Hey connor."

"What up bro? You haven't left your room all morning. Papa Beck is worried about you." He said concern etching his own features.

"I'm fine."

"No your not. Tell me the truth. I want to help you. The only way to do that is if you tell me what's in that pretty little head of yours." He leaned over and tapped  my head.

"We have the same head Con." I hit his hand away.

"Mostly but everyone would agree your the prettier twin. Anyways, back to my point. Talk to me."

"Your not going to leave are you?"

"Not until you tell me what's wrong. If you don't, not only will I not leave, I'll bring Jamie in here as well." The threat was real.

I sighed. "Fine...I don't deserve James."

Connor looked at me his mouth agape.

"Wha? That's rediculious! You are sitting here in your own self pitty makeing poor James suffer!" Suddenly Connor drew his hand back and I felt a sharp smack across my face.

"What the fuck!" I shouted in shock.

"I hope that snapped you out of what ever funk your in because I've honestly wanted to hit you every time you refused James' advances. God Cole! I knew you were messed up by what happened but I didn't realize how much..."

I rubbed my sore cheek for a moment not meeting my brothers eyes. Was I makeing James suffer that much? I knew not accepting him took a tole on him but I guess I thought being with me would have been worse.

"I'll go to him."