All About Us [Yuri Katsuki x Reader]

91 - Uneven

"It is going to get better..."

When?

"It's going to be okay..."

No it won't.

"I'm here for you, don't worry..."

Bull shit.

A person could only take so much lies before they stop believing.

You have been lied to. From back when you were a child and even until now, you have been told countless of lies. The saddest part though is that one of those liars that you hate so much happens to be yourself.

You weren't upset about the lying part. It was a very human trait to lie after all. It acted as a kind of coping mechanism for you. Lying to yourself made you happy...at least you think it does, it made you hope for things that you knew would never be within your reach but still get by because you knew that there were better things to come. Your family cares deeply for you. Lie. You were allowing yourself to heal after so much loss. Lie. You were fine, content and happy. Lies.Lies.Lies.Lies...Lies.

You weren't upset with lying. You were upset that now, you couldn't even trust yourself.

You have been in the rest room for a while now. After a few concerned calls and gentle prodding from the other side of the door, you consented to coming out.

The staff who got you out of there was rather worried at the state of your hands. Angry red blotches covered your skin, some of them were already starting to turn into an ugly blackish-blue hue. Your hands certainly looked like it took quite the beating. Surely enough, the lady staff member made a bit of a fuss.

Well, it wasn't as painful as it looked. Sure it stung a bit, but it couldn't hope to compare to the pain that you felt in your heart.

The kind staff member got some bruise cream to apply on your skin. It was cold at first but you soon found the cool sensation rather soothing. There was little else she could do with your battered appendages and you told her not to worry about it too much, wanting to be alone as soon as possible.

Giving her your thanks, you left without so much as another word.

You did all that you could to avoid Yuri and Victor, however it was proving to be difficult in such a small stadium. Despite the hundreds of other people in the building, you didn't rule out the chance that you might suddenly bump into each other. The fact that one of them is your coach and the other one is your rink mate didn't help your case any.

An official soon began to do a roll call for all of the participating skaters. You cursed under your breath. You had forgotten about warm ups for a moment. Why was it every time that you think you're in the clear, something like this happens to prove you wrong?

You were in the first group of skaters to take to the ice and Yuri would be in the second. He would, without a doubt see you.

You took a deep breath to calm yourself. You could do this. You'll just have to play it cool. Get in, skate around a bit, and then get out. It all seemed so simple in your head.

Skating when you're emotionally compromised is hard. Your jumps were terrible and your spins were in a word, tacky. Falling on the ice half the time did very little to make you feel any better. You sucked it up. You didn't really care of today's out come anyway...

Soon enough, it was the second group's turn.

Even from a distance you could see the pained look in the dark haired skater's eyes.

Your heart lurched.

As much as you wanted to come close to him, you felt as if your feet were bolted on the floor. He flubbed his jump and it took quite a while for him to get up.

You stared at the ground, gripping the skirting of the rink tightly until your knuckles turned white. You tried to force a small smile onto your face because you knew that if you didn't, you'd be a sobbing mess instead.

Was this what it felt like?

You had always told yourself when you were younger that life was no fairy tale. You had one too many disappointments to even believe in such nonsense. Now you wanted nothing more to find out that you're in some twisted night mare and that you would be waking up from it soon.

You could feel it, it was there. You could not believe that it has taken you this fucking long to realize it.

Your heart was slowly breaking and there was little you could do about it.

Once the warm ups were over, the audience were now on full gear, cheering in excitement for the competition to start. Their cries did little to ease you. You felt troubled, anxious and scared all at once.

You watched the other skaters for a bit but you weren't really paying that much attention to their movements. It took your mind off of your troubling thoughts and you were okay with that. You were going a little bit after Leo so you found no harm in watching your friend skate.

From the corner of your eye, you saw a certain dark haired skater walk past.

Your chest constricted and you followed him.

He stopped near the end of the hall, far away from prying eyes and he began doing warm up stretches on the floor. He was facing away from you.

If you were to talk to him now, you were to talk about what you were feeling just to get it off your chest so you could breathe. You knew that he already had a lot on his plate but you just had to, it needed to be said.  You were about to approach him when you felt your resolve crumble.

'Maybe...It would be best if I waited after the program,' you thought sullenly

The universe really hates you because just as you were about to leave, he saw you and your eyes met.

You did not want this to happen. For once, you wished - no - you pray to whoever deity was out there listening to give you words to say. You prayed that your doubts would stop crushing you and that your heart would be still and not explode.

You never really get what you wish for.

He looked away, his expression downcast and your eyes widened. Your heart pounded painfully against your rib cage. You ignored the stinging sensation in your eyes.

"Yuri..." you started, your voice was small, weak. It was just the two of you in the corridor, "Yuri I wanted to–"

"Yuri."

You turned to see Victor walk towards you, more importantly, walk towards Yuri, "Come with me for a moment."

"...Okay," He nodded and got up. He followed the silverette without so much as a word to you, without so much as a glance your way. They were heading down, probably towards the parking lot.

You heard a camera flash. You did not notice that a few photographers gathered around you. You let out a shaky breath and walked away. You would not allow yourself to be seen like this.  

Maybe it was for the better. Yuri was nervous and the crowds and the cheers for the other competitors were unnerving him. Victor would know what to do. It would be for the best if he was the one with Yuri right now. He was supposed to be your coach after all...

You soon found yourself alone in the changing room.

You were not going to cry though your heart clenched.

This is what it feels like...when your heart is breaking. The feeling of intense pain was hard to ignore. You knew you had felt the very same sensation before. You felt it with the loss of your friend, you felt it whenever you fought with your mom. Surely with all those past experiences you would have been prepared for the blow to your heart today.

You were dead wrong. This felt a whole lot worse.

You wished that as the two of them left you on the corridor earlier was that they told you why. Because what's more painful than being left alone; is living with the fact that you were not worth a decent explanation.