All About Us [Yuri Katsuki x Reader]

126 - Paper thin

There must have been a reason as to why almost everyone on earth often finds themselves to be unhappy. Maybe they see their past better than it was, maybe they find that the present is worse than it actually is, maybe they have accepted that the future might be less resolved than it would actually be. Who knows? No one  could say for sure. No one could truly tell why almost everyone could not make peace with what they have and just be content.

How could he be? He did not want to be just content, he wanted to be happy. He had reasoned with himself that he would find it soon enough...but really...who was he trying to kid? He was happy for a little while and it was great while it lasted. But his happiness came at the cost of someone else's. It just wasn't right.

He felt so conflicted. How does one feel empty yet at the same time, so full of emotion. It was as if even the smallest thing could set him on the edge. What was there left to do in situations like this, when there was nothing but pain left inside? Everything that he had ever wanted existed in a dream and he had long since woken up. He wished he had done so sooner, maybe then he would have recognized the damage he had left at his wake.

One of the worst flaws a person could have is that of self-deception. He had deluded himself into thinking the way he did, acting the way he did with no regard whatsoever of what would happen next. He was too enamored, too...in love with the idea of being in love. He acted on impulse and then created reason for his actions after the fact. He hated himself because for a while there, he had believed that his actions were justified.

In truth, he never really thought before he acted, before he spoke. He never truly did stop to ask himself whether or not his response was the right one, or merely a 'knee-jerk' reaction that sprung into mind or a 'spur-of-the-moment' sort of thing. He wasn't sure anymore.

He wished that life was just one big dress reversal and that everyone had a chance of a do-over. Everyone would be able to practice again and again until we got it right. Unfortunately everyday of our lives is its own performance and even if he did get the chance to rehearse,  prepare and practice, sometimes we really just weren't ready for what life throws at us.

He had always found it a bit odd that many revered him as a 'god among men'. Granted, he is skilled on the ice but that was about it. He is  still very much human, just as everyone else is and that meant that he is bound to make mistakes. He sure does have a lot of them. For someone thought to be 'perfect' he is in fact, very flawed. Even with all of his achievements, he still felt hollow. How could anyone continue to look at him at such a light when he is so full of self-loathing?

He had acted so different around him, different in a good way. He didn't feel the need to put on appearances when he was around. He wasn't a celebrity, he wasn't a skating icon. He was just...him. He wondered why only he was capable to bring out this side of him, the side of him that he had kept under wraps for so long.

Was this what you felt?

Did you feel compelled to drop the act and stop pretending that everything was okay when it really is not? Did you drop the fake smile that you often wore and put on a real one? Did you not feel so hurt and alone and instead, did you feel safe and loved? Did you ever feel self-conscious around him? Did you feel insecure or sad when he was by your side?

He really was just so easy to talk to, he was always so willing to listen. One thing he could say with certainty was that neither of you needed to hold back when you were with him. That was the hook, line and sinker, no questions asked.

Victor let a ghost of a sigh escape his lips.

The bar he was in was quaint. It had a rather homey  feel to it, maybe that was why he felt so at ease. There were only a few people inside much to his delight and hardly anyone paid attention to him. He did not know if it was because they did not know of him or they were too busy nursing their own drinks to bring themselves to care. There were conversations told in rather hushed voice, all of which were nearly drowned out by the smooth music coming from the radio.