All About Us [Yuri Katsuki x Reader]

96 - Clearly

The plane ride home was a lot more sullen than the trip prior. You had distanced yourself from the two ever since you left the hotel room. You knew you should have left for Japan earlier rather than having to endure the long trip with the two of them. To make matters worse, you were now sitting beside a certain dark haired skater that you really did not want to be around with at the moment. You wanted to protest but you decided against it. You might as well suck it up and just go with it. It was funny how life works. You finally got to sit beside him. You only wished that it was under better circumstances.

It was quiet, neither of you spoke. It was for the best, really...you really didn't have anything you wanted to say to him at the moment...

Okay. You were lying to yourself again. You did have something to say. You actually had a lot to say to him but you held your tongue because you saw that it was not your place to say them. You wanted to scream, you wanted to yell at him. You wanted to know why the fuck did he allow Victor to kiss him...in front of the whole world no less, you wanted to know if what you had was real or was your relationship just a phase. you wanted to know if you still held a place in his heart.

You wanted to know if he still loved you just as must as your heart aches because you were sure that you still loved him.

You got your answer.

He looked away from you.

After what felt like an eternity, your plane finally reached the airport. You wasted no time walking ahead of the two and gathering your things. The two of them didn't say a word.

Life...went on.

You still lived under the same roof as they did. The only big difference was that you spent every waking moment in your own room. You couldn't be bothered to come out, and every one gave you your space. You only ever went out to get some food and then you would go back to your room again. That was the only time anyone else in the Katsuki household ever saw you.

You avoided them and in turn, they avoided you.

You were not bothered by that fact. You were in pain, yes but you were not bothered. There was a huge difference...and you were okay with that. It is better this way.

You weren't out to seek anyone's approval for what you were doing. You weren't begging for anyone's time or attention. You just wanted to be alone. You needed to be alone to think, to feel and hopefully...to be yourself again. The you that disappeared the same day that your heart broke to pieces.

You had become more withdrawn and more quiet. You were disconnected from everyone. The once brash (Y/N) was nowhere to be found. There were some days when Hiroko would catch a glimpse of you one moment and then you would be gone the next. It was as if you weren't even there anymore. She was growing concerned.

There were some nights that you would lay awake, thinking. Sometimes you would find yourself tearing up and then you would have silently cried yourself to sleep.

You shied away from everyone, choosing to be by your lonesome. When you did go out of the house, you'd be gone a couple of days at a time and no one would even know where you've been.

Then it happened. You figured it would sooner or later. You only wished that it would have been later or better yet, never. You had to go back to practice and you had to go back with Yuri and Victor.

'This would be fun,' you sarcastically thought.

It felt like a lifetime ago since you have been in Ice Castle. Being back in the familiar rink was like a sight for sore eyes. You missed being here more than you would like to believe and you have been only been gone for about a few weeks.

A few weeks...so much could happen in such a short amount of time.

 You were greeted by Yuko and the triplets to which you just gave them a small wave. They watched the whole thing and are choosing not to say anything about it. It was a wise choice because that was all you could really think about right now. You hated thinking back on things that you didn't want to remember.

Your plan was simple. You just wouldn't talk to them and only answer when they ask you a direct question. You would pretend as if nothing was wrong when in actuality, your world is falling apart all around you. It was a sound plan...emphasis on the 'was'.

If only Victor hadn't decided to focus on you first.

He kept drilling you on how you should move, how you should poise your body when you jump. You listened for the first hour and after that first hour, you wondered...

Were they all really planning to pretend that nothing has happened?

You were supposed to do your combination jump but you fell, hard. You didn't make a move to get up. You didn't feel like getting up.

Victor skated towards you, stretching his hand for you to take. You eyed him warily. Was he being fucking serious?

"Are you okay?"

If you had a penny for every time someone asked that, you would be filthy rich by now. With that in mind, you ignored him and got up, dusting yourself off of the ice that dusted your clothes, "I don't know, Nikiforov. You tell me." Your tone was rather casual but it didn't mean that it lacked bite.

He retracted his outstretched hand. His lips formed into a thin line, assessing you, before he decided to speak again, "If you had just did as I had told-"

"I don't see the point in all of this," You stated honestly, "I don't see why I have to continue practicing when the season is already over for me."

"The season might be over for you but you still  have-"

"I don't care about the Worlds...I just want to go..." You muttered, looking away. You could not stand another moment being with the two of them, "Could...could I please go now?"

It was silent for a moment before he let out a sigh. He nodded, giving you permission to go.

You headed towards the exit, without looking  back.

You went straight for the locker room to change out of your skates and grab your things. Slinging your bag on your shoulder, you decided that you desperately needed to get out of here as soon as possible. Just as you were about to leave the rink, you felt someone gently grab your wrist from behind. Your breathing hitched but you dared not look back. You knew who it was. You had felt his calloused hands around yours long enough just to know who it was.

"(Y/N)..."

You didn't answer.

"I...we were worried about you."

You still didn't reply.

"(Y/N), please-"

"Let me go." Your voice was small, and weak. It was not your voice. You tried again when  you thought he hadn't heard you, "Just...please. Let me go..."

His eyes widened. Your words held a silent plea, one that resonated loudly. He could not see your eyes. He soon found himself conceding. He felt his grip on you loosen until he had completely let go of your wrist.

Once he did, you left and you never looked back. Things remained unspoken.

You did not want to see the day where you would thank the universe for allowing your paths to cross. You did not want to one day, find out that the time that you both spent together to be a thing of the past, nothing more than a distant memory...

But right now...

You were cursing at just how cruel life could be for taking the one person that you deeply cared for long before you were ready...in reality, no one is really ever ready. It is hard, it is hard to let go of someone you loved. It is harder to hold on to someone who no longer feels the same way. It is even harder if that person was one and the same. You did not know if you wanted to let go or hold on...

Either way, it seemed like it would hurt you more than it would ever hurt him.