All About Us [Yuri Katsuki x Reader]

121 - Without end

When someone cries, it is never pretty. Their eyes swell into an unsightly, puffy, redness. They are unable to speak, unable to breathe...nothing but the sound of broken sobs. There was a weight in their chests and a lump in their throats as if some unseen person was choking you, threatening to rip the life off of you. The world around them becomes a blurry mass of faded colors. Of course, no one could forget the tears. Small, crystal beads full of pain that trail down the cheeks, to the neck, and the chest. They have such an awful existence. They are borne of grief and live off of one's sorrow. They live only to fade as soon as they hit the cloth or to fall off a quivering lip. Biting your tongue does little to nothing to hold them all back. It was always easier to break into tears than to stop. Once you start crying, getting the stubborn tears to remain stay unseen is difficult. 

You pulled away making his eyes heavy laden with his own tears, blink in surprise.

Now your red, tear-rimmed eyes stared back into his own. Watery streaks marred your cheeks, the telltale sign that you had shown him how you felt. You hated that you allowed your emotions to get the better of you and subsequently betrayed you. With your hand, you furiously rubbed your eyes to rid yourself of the annoying sting, wiping them away from your face that was now blotchy and mottled.

You looked away, the lamp beside you did little to illuminate your features. 

A heavy silence settled over the both of you. You were unsettled and opted to stare down unceremoniously at your shaky hands, avoiding catching his glance sent your way. 

You couldn't think straight. You did not know what to call what you were feeling exactly. You did not think you were sad. 'Sad' sounded so childish, like something flimsy. It makes itself sound as if it is something one could easily cast off with a smile. However, it was nothing of the sort especially if you couldn't even bring yourself to tug the corner of your lips or open your mouth to speak. It settles itself within, waiting for the right conditions to grow, to take root and to snuff out what little hope you had left. Your hands clenched into tight fists.

To be honest, you were afraid as well. You didn't want to believe him. As much as you had yearned to hear that from him, you did not want to put yourself out there again only to be trampled on without a moment's notice. You see, 'sorry' could only go so far. It works when someone makes a mistake...but how about when trust is broken? You were scared to put yourself out there now. You weren't as open as you were before. You now doubted instead of trusted.

"...How could you say that so easily?" You muttered softly, finally mustering enough courage to look at him again.

He was silent for a moment, caught off guard by your sudden question. You did not harangue him, nor did you badger him for the answer. You just waited. You wanted to know what made him say that, what convinced him to think that his words were the truth.

He removed his glasses and placed them on the bed as he wiped away any remnants of tears on his face. He allowed a small, rueful smile to grace his flushed features, "...You don't believe me..."

You did not answer, you just stared at him. 

Maybe you were being paranoid. Maybe your guard is a little too high...But maybe it is because you still remember the reason it went up in the first place.

There was a pained look in his eyes, a flash of hurt was expressed in his face. He took a deep, steadying breath, "It's because...you saw me."

Your breathing hitched on your throat.

"You saw me as I am," he continued, "You knew my weakness and didn't judge me. You saw the best and worst of me and chose both. You stood by me even through tough times when I feel like was at my lowest...You listened to me when I was losing it,  you stayed embraced me when I was hurting, you sat with me in silence when I am torn...You didn't try to fix me like I'm that needs to be repaired, you did not want to change me into someone else...You, even with all of my short comings, chose to bear with the pain."