I FELL FOR MY UNEXPECTED HUSBAND

Chapter 33: Conflicted Feelings

Andrew's POV

Conflicted Feelings.

Hindi ko alam anong nararamdaman ko. I always have an answer to everything, and yet, now, hindi ko alam kung magtatanong ba ako, magwawalk out or just stay hugging like this with Chantal.

Let go Andrew, si Chantal yan, she was the one who left you a broken man 3 years ago. My subconscious is yelling in my head.

Let Go! Let Go!

“You can let go now” Pasimple naman akong kumawala sa init ng yakap niya. Hindi kelangan ng masters degree to decide na dapat kang kumawala sa kanya, may asawa ka at mahal mo siya.

“Oh sorry!” sagot niya na nagulat din with how she reacted.

“Umupo na nga kayong dalawa,” buti naman eh naramdaman din ata nitong si Peter na kelangan ko ng rescue.

I’ve gotten through my healing process fairly well. Moving on from my past with Chantal is the best decision I have made. It gave me Marga.

I composed myself for the rest of the night, good thing I mastered this, being poker faced. May nagagawa ding mabuti ‘tong pagiging negosyante ko, I can bluff and deceive people. But truth is, I really want to get away from this place, from Chantal.

Kung pwede ko lang talaga bayaran si Chronos (god of time and space) para pabilisin ang oras eh ginawa ko na.

Laking pasalamat ko nalang ng tumayo na si Peter para magpaalam, may tama na rin daw siya.

“Brad, ‘wag ka na magdrive, I’ll give you a lift home, I’ll get Ernie to fetch your car” sabi ko sa gegewang gewa ko nang kaibigan sabay tayo and took one last shot of whisky, buti nalang at mataas ‘tong tolerance ko sa alcohol.

“Mauna na kami sa inyo, glad to see you guys again, we should do this again” I forced myself to sound and look cheery.

“Next time pare, itatawag naming sa inyo ni Peter, sama mo misis mo sa sunod” sabay tulong sa akin sa pagaalalay kay Peter.

“Yeah sure” simpleng sagot ko.

Palabas na kami at papunta sa tinted door, nang biglang may humawak sa braso ko. Alam ko na agad na si Chantal yun.

“Drew, can I talk to you in private?”

“Some other time, lasing na ‘tong kasama ko” pagdadahilan ko. Baka kasi kung ano pang masabi ko ngayon na conflicted yung feelings ko.

“It’ll be quick” pagpupumilit nito.

“Go ahead pare, sa kotse na ako mag-aantay” kahit kelan talaga tong si Peter, bad timing. Hindi niya na kasi masense na ayoko dahil tipsy na siya.

“Let’s go to the other room” ramdam ko sa likod ko ang tulis ng tingin ng mga kaibigan ko.

Pagdating naming sa maliit na office ni Xander sa likod ng bar ay buong lakas kong hinarap si Chantal, and took a heave of deep breath.

“Ganyan na ba talaga effect ko sa’yo Drew, do I make you feel heavy, you don’t do deep breaths unless you feel bothered by something, kilala kita” nakataas ang kilay na tanong ni Chantal sakin.

“May I remind you why we’re in this situation, you left me 3 years ago, remember? And I’ve moved on, I’m married to the most incredible woman and I love her more than anything in this world” naiirita kong sabi.

“Yes I left you, but I never told you to forget me and move on. Ako pa rin ‘to Andrew, I still love you. I e-mailed you not sporadically and even called you but you kept changing your number, I told you to wait for me. The moment I heard you got married, you left a big part of me for dead, Andrew ako pa rin diba? Ako pa rin.” umiiyak na sabi ni Chantal sakin. She hugged me so hard na parang nasasakal na ako. She never hugged me this way before, kapag ganito katindi ang yakap niya noon, dahil sa sobrang namiss niya ako or sobrang natuwa siya sa mga simple things na ginagawa ko for her. But now, it has a different effect, it bugged me, I didn’t like the feeling.

TInanggal ko yung mga kamay niya na nakapulupot sakin

“Ano ba yang pinagsasabi mo? Eh di ayaw kitang kausap, ayaw kitang makita, I never want anything to do with you. Matalino ka naman diba? Rember that night we were in this same scene, but I was the one begging you, asking you to stay, to love me, you told me that I was coming between you and your dream and you expect me to just hang around wait for you as if things are okay not knowing when you’d come back,” nasasaktan kong sinabi.

“I know, we were young, I was immature, I needed to find myself, self-made man ka na nun, I was what, a striving artist, wala pa akong napapatunayan, ni ayaw nga akong tingnan ng family mo sa tuwing nakakasama natin sila noon.  You knew I needed to go and prove myself worthy of you” umiiyak na ng todo si Chantal, kitang-kita ko yung pagtangis ng mga luha niya.

Hindi ko na kelangan marinig lahat ng ito, this should all be in my past, panggulo lang ‘to sa hinaharap ko.

“I never asked you to prove anything, back then, you we’re nothing but worthy, I feel bad knowing you didn’t acknowledge that in the past” sobrang ayoko na magtagal pa doon. Bakit pa kasi ako nakikipagliwanagan dito sa kaharap ko, wala na kami diba, this is pointless.

Bakit kelangan kong buksan ulit ang mga sugat na ‘to? Hinilom na ito ng panahon ah, bakit pilit itong binubuksan ni Chantal? Hindi pa pala okay, may sakit pa.

Tumalikod na ako at nagdirediretsong lumabas, narinig ko pa atang may sinabi si Chantal pero hindi ko na masyado inisip.

Drew, I don’t care what you think of me now, I will get you back, I will prove to you that it’s just me, only me who can love you the way you need to be loved.