frerard one shots | ✔️

forty-two ~ gravestone

He was back.

Gerard placed the flowers he brought among the ones he'd brought the week before, and the week before that and so on. No one ever brought flowers. No one but Gerard. He sniffled as he sat down and wrapped his arms around his legs, setting his chin on his knees and looking at the grave.

He began to speak, and I began to watch.

I couldn't really hear what he was saying, but I watched as tears fell softly down his face and eventually, as always, he buried his face in his knees, and then it was all silent again. I wanted to slip out from my hiding spot from behind the tree. I wanted to show him that there was nothing to cry about, and I wanted him to see that I loved him and I needed him, and I still wanted him and that I'd never meant to leave him.

He always sobbed about me leaving him.

He wasn't wrong. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I resent myself for it to this day, but all I can do--all I'm really allowed to do is just stand here behind the tree and watch. All I can do is watch my love waste away and turn himself into a wreck.

The first time he came to visit me, he was with his brother. They were both wearing lovely overlyformal clothing, and Mikey held Gerard as he cried. I hope he's still there for him when he needs him. I'm very happy that he has him, but I wish that I could be the one comforting him.

The second time he came to see me, he was in jeans, a band shirt, and a hoodie of mine. I'm glad that he still wears all my clothing. I hope he took my band shirts. I had quite a collection, and he really deserves them all.

The third time he came to see me, he was in joggers--the ones that I said made his arse look good every time I saw him wear them. He was also wearing one of my band shirts and hoodies again. It pleased me to no end to see him wear my clothing, and I would be lying if I said that I didn't steal one of his hoodies before I left. It's oversized for him, so you can imagine how big it is on me, and it has a band logo on the front and back. I think it might have been a Bowie hoodie at one point, but honestly, I can't even tell anymore.

The fourth time he came to see me, he was already puffy-eyed. He was wearing the same hoodie as last time, but it was zipped all the way up this time and his hood was over his head so I couldn't see his face as well. He was wearing sweatpants and sneakers and I could tell from the way he had his hair tucked into the hoodie that he probably hadn't been out of the clothes in a while.

The fifth time, which was the last time he came to visit before today, his hair was damp from being washed and he was wearing jeans and a band shirt again, but this time he had on a different one of my hoodies. Mikey was with him this time, and they sat near my grave, but they didn't talk about me necessarily.

"Why aren't you wearing Frank's hoodie?" Mikey had asked and Gerard had frowned.

"This is Frank's," he'd said. "The other one just didn't smell like him anymore."

My heart had swelled at his words and sunk at the meaning. I was really gone to him. I wasn't there anymore.

When he'd started crying, Mikey had hugged him and told him some joke about not crying because he had a job interview to get to. That made me really happy. It had occurred to me that because Gerard had been coming to see me within work hours once a week, he probably got fired for not showing up at his job. I was glad he was at least searching for a new one.

Today, however, was different. This time, when he stopped crying, he didn't leave. He looked up and wiped his eyes, staring at the grave again.

"Frankie," I heard him croak. It wasn't hard for me to hear him from far away. Not anymore. "I got a job, and it's a lot of work, so I don't know whether I'm going to be able to come and see you as often, but I'm going to do my best. I just know that you would have wanted me to be happy and not to have been sulking about and losing a job and killing myself. I don't think--" he stopped, sniffing. "I don't think I'll ever get over you, but I'm... I'm definitely going to try to move on with my life because there's no use being stuck at one point in time when the world is rushing on around them."