Nightmares -Saiouma/Oumasai-

-28-

I couldn't stop the tears from falling out of my eyes. The painful memories... I don't want this for myself... I wish this never happened to me... I hate being scared all the time. Scared that anyone who gets close to me will just leave me behind... while they continue their lives without me... I have never felt important. To anyone. They always have someone they care about more than me. They always put me last... after everyone else. Then they leave me... they slap me in the face, yell, and scream at me... then when they realize I'm not good enough for them... they leave me. Every single time.

"Kokichi, it's ok to feel sad... living isn't as easy as some people make it seem... you probably know that better than me." He said into my ear while he rubbed my back. "Yeah," I said letting a small laugh out of my mouth. Shuichi giggles against my hair making me laugh harder. "Shuichi, I have no idea how you do it!" I exclaimed grabbing onto his forearms trying to contain my laughter.

It's so much easier to laugh then cry. "Do what?" He asked pulling back to look at me. He looked confused. "Make me laugh this hard, you can always make me so happy!" I pulled him closer to me burying my face in his chest. I could feel his laughter coming from his chest. I could hear his angelic voice giggling a beautiful laugh. I smiled and moved back to place my lips on his.

I pulled away and rested my forehead against his. "Thank you," I said before he nodded with a smile. "Shu?" I asked sitting up on the bed making him sit up soon after. "Kichi?" He asked making me blush. "We should go and get some dinner. And I feel better about all of this... so I will go with you!" I said trying to make my voice sound steady. I felt nervous and was worried that something bad would happen to either of us... "I'm so proud of you!" He smiled throwing himself on me while he wrapped his arms around me. He moved his cheek against my face making me giggle.

"Shuuuuu~ you're squishing me~," I said trying to push him away only making him cling to me more. I sighed and let myself be smothered. He was affectionate for more than 10 minutes before he pulled away. He looked to the side avoiding making eye contact. A small blush was visible on his cheeks. "Sorry... sometimes I can't contain myself..." He whispered covering his mouth with his hand. "I don't mean to smother you... you are just so cute... I can't help it." He looked at me for a moment before his eyes went wide making him turn his head back to the side. The once small blush soon dominating his now red face.

I don't like being happy. Don't get me wrong I don't like being sad either... but... whenever I get happy I know that something bad is going to happen. Whenever my mood goes up I always know there will be something to make it go down again. This has made me anxious about letting myself become happy... because I'm afraid if I become too happy... then when my mood goes back down... it will destroy me.

I don't know what I'm feeling. When I'm with Shuichi... he makes me feel something I can't understand. The way he can easily make me laugh, the way he tells me all these loving words, the way he makes me blush, the way he is always there to comfort me, he is always here to talk to me. I feel this warm feeling in my chest every time I'm around him. Whenever I see his beautiful smile, whenever I hear his gorgeous laugh, and every time I hear his calming angelic voice. All of this makes me feel weird in a way... maybe this is what love feels like?

I have never understood what belonging felt like, never understood what love meant. What does it mean when someone tells you I love you does it mean anything. All the people who have told me this before have never meant it... they always put me last on their list of priorities... they always ignored me when I needed them most... they only acknowledged my existence when the needed something from me...

But Shuichi is different.

He treats me as though I'm the only thing that matters, the only thing that he sees. He talks to me and listens to me while hanging on my every word. He wakes up in the middle of the night to comfort me when his body is begging for sleep. Is this what love is? The thing I have always envied others for... the thing I never thought I would receive from another person... the thing I never thought I could do right... the thing I craved to feel... Shuichi has given it to me. Shuichi cares about me. He is being honest with me. He loves me.

"Kokichi, are you alright? I'm sorry if I startled you earlier... you have been being quiet for a while now..." He whispered looking worried. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into a kiss. I made us both fall on the bed with me on top of him. I could feel he was surprised because his face was burning. I laughed against his lips making him smile before we slowly pulled away.

"I'm just happy that you love me... and I'm happy that I love you... I'm happy that my feelings for someone else have finally been returned." I said blushing. He looked up at me and sat up slowly letting me take my place in his lap. "I'm happy too." I rested my head on his chest before remembering we had to go to the dining hall... I guess this can wait...

"Shushu, we should probably get something to eat before we forget," I said moving my hand to boop his nose. He flushed and tried to turn his head away but I held him in place. "Yeah, sometimes you are good at distracting me~," He said in a teasing tone making me blush harder. "Hey Shumai! I should be the one teasing you!" I yelled playfully making him look me in the eyes. "But I love when I can make you this flustered~," He said.

He picked me up and stood me up beside the bed. "Well let's go to the dining hall." He said taking my hand in his walking over to the door. "Okay Shushu~," I said following close behind.

Maybe this love thing isn't so bad?

-In science, we have to have a lesson plan ready to teach for a full class period by March 11th... I'm not great at public speaking... so this will definitely be an experience (?) Thanks for reading!-

-ShuichiOuma010-