Nightmares -Saiouma/Oumasai-

-32-

I wonder most days why this happened to me. Why was I chosen to be here? Out of all of them... I'm not that great... I know that I shouldn't have been chosen to be around all of these ultimate's. I'm not even that good of a leader. My group... DICE is probably suffering in my absence. Not that I was that good at reading them. I was better at knowing what to do to get the group to come together. Get the group to be able to work together to get things done.

I woke up in a cold sweat seeing all of their hurt faces knowing that I left them flash across my mind. Tears fell down my face. Please, let them be safe. They must be so mad at me for abandoning them.

I sighed. My shaking hands moved to my face. I want to punish myself for what I have done to them. For what they had to go through because of me.

I want to cut myself. I want to be in pain. I need to hurt myself to atone for my mistakes. I want to hurt myself!! My thoughts were screaming at me. Telling me what I had to do. I looked back over at Shuichi.

He wants to help me. He told me he wants me to stay safe. I moved my hands to pull on my hair. I don't want to make him have to wake up again for me. I don't want to do this to him.

Before I knew what I was doing my hand was on Shuichi's shoulder. I froze. I can do this... He wants to help me. He gave me permission to do this.

I shook his shoulder to wake him up after a moment of my mind screaming at me to stop. He blinked a few times before looking io at my tear-stained face. "Kokichi?" he said rubbing his eyes. I clenched my hand around my wrist digging my fingers into my wounded skin. "Kokichi. It's ok. I'm right here." he pulled me into his arms. Letting his hand slide over to mine. Pulling my fingers away from my skin and intertwining them in his.

"I'm right here. I love you." His hand moved to my back and rubbed my tense shoulders. He slowly pulled me closer to him and held me securely in his arms. We both stayed silent for a moment. My tears lessened and my breathing slowed. I let myself relax under his touch as my eyes closed.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Shuichi asked keeping his voice soft. I felt tense before letting myself relax. I can do this. We have talked about things like this before.

"Yeah.." I let my voice trail off. I didn't know what I should tell him. "Alright, but know you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to." He said pulling back to look me in the eyes.

"It was my family. DICE I mean..." I whispered not wanting him to see me so vulnerable. He let his hand move to caress my cheek. "What happened to them?" He asked in a soothing tone making me shudder. "I abandoned them. I should be there with them..." Tears fell out of my eyes. I hated crying in front of Shuichi.

"They all trusted me. I was supposed to lead them and I wasn't even good at that. What kind of leader leaves their followers?" I said trying not to scream. I wanted to yell and scream all of the words that were trying to break out of me.

"It's alright Kokichi. I know how you feel... I feel like I have people that I have left behind. Some of them before I came here. And some because I'm trapped here. I'm not saying that you abandoned them. They care about you. You are their leader and followers respect their leaders." He nuzzled his head into my shoulder. I shuddered feeling a shiver go down my spine. "Yeah..." My head moved to rest on top of his hair. "I love you Kokichi. I care about you so much. Thank you for waking me up." I looked at his hand in mine. He pulled our hands to his lips placing a soft kiss on the back of my hand.

He moved back and looked at me concerned. "Were you going to hurt yourself?" He asked quietly making my breath hitch. I nodded not trusting my voice. I was worried if I tried to say anything now I will just break down and cry. "That's alright. It's ok to feel that way. I'm glad you woke me up and allow me to help you." He paused and took in a deep breath.

"Nightmares suck. Life sucks." He announced to the room making me laugh. He smiled before continuing. "But having others like you around me makes it all worth it. You make all of this worth it Kichi." I blushed at his words. He pulled me into another kiss and let his lips trail kisses down my neck slowly moving to my shoulder.

"I love you." He whispered as he planted them. "I love your smile." He kept saying sweet things to me. Even though the room was dark he made it seem so much lighter. I felt so at ease that we get to have moments like this. That he allows me and him to have moments like this.

"I don't want my Kichi to hurt himself. So make sure whenever you feel like this just come talk to me." He slowly raised his head smiling. His smile took my breath away. I couldn't help but smile. He makes me feel so safe. All of the things I never liked about myself, he loves. Everything that makes me feel down his kisses erases it from memory. The way he called me 'his Kichi' made me just want to smother him with affection.

I dropped my head on his shoulder. "Kichi?" Wrapping my arms around him making him go quiet. "Thank you, for everything," I whispered firmly holding onto him not wanting him to see my flustered face. "Of course." He patted my head before moving and laying me down next to him.

"We should go back to bed..." He whispered letting his eyes slide closed. "I love you," I whispered letting myself relax in his embrace.

I know that this is going to help me. I know he wants to help me. I can't help but blush every time he says he loved me. I can't believe I am so lucky to be here with my Shushu.

We can worry about finding the mastermind tomorrow but for now, I want to just be in this moment with Shuichi as long as it can last.

-I have an art midterm coming up and I'm not sure how to feel about it... You all probably know I write a lot... but I do like to draw as well. I may make some art for the next part, but I'll see what happens. Thanks for reading!-

-ShuichiOuma010-