Nightmares -Saiouma/Oumasai-

-38-

How should I tell him? I don't really want to have to talk about any of this...maybe because, no, because people have never wanted to listen to me before...and even if they did...they would look at me like I was a monster...they would call me a liar. I guess that's what I have become...a liar...a monster...

It's not like any of them matter now. They all left me alone anyway, they all abandoned me...any 'friend' I thought I have had, they lied to me, every single time...sigh... "Kokichi, are you doing alright? You have just been blankly staring at me for a while now..." Snapping myself out of my thoughts I looked at Shuichi. He had a cute blush on his face. He must be embarrassed~ That is so cute~!

"Sorry, Shushu...uh, I don't know if I have told you before, but, uh..." Why is this so damn hard? I hate having to lie all the time...because of how often I lie, I have become comfortable telling all of these lies...to protect myself. This all just makes telling the truth so much harder. I hate being this vulnerable...

Shuichi got up for a brief moment grabbing something before coming back pulling me back into a hug. "What do you have Shu?" I asked confused. "Here." He pulled back before he handed me the little Shuichi doll. I was speechless. "Thank you," I said holding it close to my chest.

"It's ok Kokichi, it's over now...I'm right here," He held my face in his hands and smiled at me. I blushed feeling my face get hot under his gentle touch. "I know...sorry, I'm just not the best at being honest and open about these things..." I whispered trying my best to not just burst into tears right in front of him...again.

"It doesn't bother me. I'm not the best at that either...well opening up to others anyway. But it's ok to be scared Kichi, it's ok to let yourself cry." Shit. Shuichi, you make me want to cry just because of your kind words...you are too kind to me. I felt fresh tears fall down my cheeks.

"Shu, I! I want to be honest with you, but to do that I have to stop lying to myself...I had a nightmare of me and you..." I paused taking in a shaky breath calming myself down. I moved my finger over the doll's cheeks, it was soft and it gave my hands something to do besides shaking so much...

"...and then the other version of myself attacked you...you were lying there on the floor, dead...then he went to attack me." I shuddered waiting for him to gasp or something...but he didn't. This gave me enough courage to continue on.

"He has always been the part of me I want to forget...all the dark thoughts I have had...he is an embodiment of all of them...and...umm...he grabbed a pair of scissors and stabbed it into my wrist before turning it...I hate myself so much...because he is a part of me...I can't get rid of him...u-unless...I get rid of myself." All of my past trauma and all of the suppressed emotions from before came out of my eyes in a downpour of hot tears.

"I have tried so many times to get rid of him...but I was too weak to do it..." I covered my eyes with my hands. I felt so damn weak...I felt so vulnerable...without my lies I'm so weak and fragile and I fucking hate it... "That's where you're wrong Kokichi. You are so strong for making it this far, dealing with all of this shit. Because of how strong you are," He paused pulling me into a hug. The feeling of safety made me unconsciously relax into his touch...this man is unreal.

"I get to have you here with me. The childish, fun-loving, adorable Ultimate supreme leader." I blushed at his words. Feeling his hands trace my back made me just feel even more love. I didn't think this was even possible...Shuichi you have shown me a part of the world I never thought I was going to be able to experience.

"I love you so much, I want you to know that what I'm saying is true. I will keep on telling you as many times as you need me to." Shuichi didn't react like I thought he would. Usually, I can predict what people are going to do, how they will react, and how I can make them react in certain ways. Shuichi has always been different. I have never been able to predict all of his moves, this makes me absolutely intrigued by his presence.

"Thank you, Shu. You are the first person I have met that hasn't freaked out when I told you about my...stuff..." He pulled back to meet my eyes. "Freaked out?" He said with a confused glance. "Yeah, most people would call me a psychopath or crazy, then they would spread rumors to make others avoid me or some shit." I laughed a bit remembering some of the dumbasses that said they were tough when in reality they are just weak ass fuckers...

Kinda reminds me of the dumbass Kaito. I laughed at that. Kaito should be the SHSL dumbass... "Haha," I laughed, sounding a little weaker because of all the crying and screaming. "What is so funny?" Shuichi asked with a playful smirk.

"Just thinking about 'all bark no bite' people~," I said, booping his nose. "Oh, like you can be with Kaito~" He teased back, making me retract. "Oh, ouch...that hurt Shu~," I said fake hurt, making him giggle. "But you are right! If we are being honest though Kaito is just the same~!" I laughed before he pulled me down to the bed in a hug.

"I'm glad you're feeling better. I love it when you are able to be happy and when we can just tease each other like this." I propped myself up on my elbows gently putting the doll on the bedside table. "Oh? But I thought Shuichi Saihara hated getting teased~ You always get so flustered~" He blushed under my gaze. "I hate when you are sad so much more..." He whispered covering his mouth with his hand.

"Then I will tease you as much as I want my emo boyfriend~," Shuichi just blushed even more. "You are so cute Shumai~!" I exclaimed, smothering him with affection. "Kichi?!" He yelped. I started laughing before he grabbed my cheek. "Shu?" I asked. "Thanks for telling me." I hid my face in his chest so he wouldn't see my blush. I could feel his laugh from under me making me huff.

"Kokichi?" A knock on my door interrupted my moment with Shuichi. I groaned before going to get the door. "Hey, Maki," Shuichi said from behind me. "It's your shift, no one has done anything suspicious...yet." She whispered. This made me realize how quiet the dorms were. The rooms were soundproof, so without our talking it was dead silent...kind gives off a creepy vibe...

"Ok, thanks again for letting me and Shu get the first rest," I said smiling at her. She gave me a small smile back before she left to her room. Me and Shuichi changed quickly before walking out of the room locking the door behind us.

I walked out to the courtyard to make sure nobody left the dorms or came in the dorms. Maki suggested that we stood here for that exact purpose. This made me laugh, we were like security guards. How ironic is that? A supreme leader who gets in trouble with the cops being a security guard. I laughed to myself. Shuichi soon joined me in the courtyard standing by my side.

"What do you think about this new motive?" Shuichi asked, breaking the deafening silence. "I'm just worried that Monokuma might be planning to do something to the two people who are the most susceptible to giving in to the killing game." I felt my body shake. What if someone was going to try and kill me?

"It can't possibly be good in any way...because it is a motive from Monokuma..." He whispered to the wind. It was a little chilly out tonight. I didn't notice I was shaking until Shuichi pulled off his jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders. I looked up at him confused and slightly flustered from the sweet gesture. "You looked cold." He didn't make eye contact with me which for once I was glad for. I didn't want him to see the stupid face I was probably making right now.

.    .    .

The whole 5 hours didn't feel like that long. Me and Shuichi talked most of the time because there was nothing to do except for watching and looking around. He looked at the stars and told me a story one of his old friends told him about the stars. It was a story to help them remember where certain stars were for a test. I thought it was funny because of the analogies they made.

*Ding Dong Bing Bong*

The morning announcement sounded and me and Shuichi went back into the dorms. Nothing had happened all night which is super lucky for us. Maki walked over to us after exiting her room with Kaito coming out of his moments later. "So, did anything suspicious happen?" Maki asked in a hushed voice as some of the others were walking out of their rooms to go to the dining hall. "No, it was pretty quiet," Shuichi said. Kaito sighed in relief. It's not over yet...everyone has a motive video now...anything could happen.

"You guys should go and check your rooms," Maki said before leaving the dormitory with Kaito. "See you in the dining hall Sidekick!" Kaito waved as they walked out of the door.

-Next chapter...I will try and update Vampire Kisses today. Sorry for being so damn slow with book updates...anyway. Thanks for reading!-

-ShuichiOuma010-