Nightmares -Saiouma/Oumasai-

-29-

We walked to the dining hall. We do this every day at least twice... this place kind of reminds me of a prison or a mental hospital...

When we got to the door I looked up at Shuichi and gave him a confident nod. He opened the door and we walked in. Kaito and Maki were the only ones in there, besides Kirumi. But she was making the food and was mostly in the kitchen... so it was just the four of us.

"Kokichi," Maki said in an intimidating tone making me flinch. "Yeah Maki?" I asked silently proud of myself for not stuttering. "I wanted to apologize..." She said looking down. "Apologize?" I asked. I was overly confused. Why is she apologizing to me? What is she sorry about? She had every right to treat me the way she did when I was, well, an asshole.

"Yes, I realize that Shuichi picked you to be his boyfriend... and although we have our differences I want to get along with you to make Shuichi happy." She finally said looking at me with her natural expression. I looked at her confused and turned my gaze to Shuichi. He was silently telling me to talk to her. I sighed and looked back at Maki. "Well, I accept your apology. I should try to be nicer to you guys even if I don't completely agree with you." I said looking over at Kaito who just glared at me... this is going to take a while... but if this is what Shuichi wants...

"Kaito!" Maki shouted making me and Shuichi jump. Kaito groaned. "Yeah, I will try to get along with you too Kokichi... Although that doesn't mean I don't think you are a lying sack of shit!" He yelled clenching his teeth. Yup. This is exactly what I would expect from Kaito... "Thank you, guys. It means a lot to me, Maki, that you are trying for me." Shuichi said making Kaito slump. He was sulking in his seat. Is it that hard for him to try and tolerate me? I'm not saying that it is... because I am not the best person to be around... because I lie so much... But for Shuichi, I will put up with all of this.

"Well, do you want to eat some dinner?" Shuichi asked grabbing my hand and giving me a supportive squeeze. "Yeah!" I said with a smile. "I mean that is what we came here for..." Maki added silently.

As if called Kirumi walked over to the table. "What would you guys like? I made Kimchi and rice, but if you would like something else I will gladly make it for you." She said politely. I frowned at the idea of having to eat again. I think Shuichi could tell because he let go of my hand to snake it around my waist. I shook my head and smiled. I can do this!

Soon enough we all told her that we wanted some Kimchi and she left and was back moments later. "Here you go." She said before placing the food on the table. She bowed before making her way back to the kitchen. Maki, Shuichi and I were having a pleasant conversation while Kaito's eyes were glued to me. I wasn't eating that much, but for Shuichi, I took a couple of bites every once and a while.

"I was wondering if both of you wanted to join us for nighttime training? Because Shuichi hasn't been coming for a while, so I thought you guys would like to come together?" Maki asked softening her gaze. "Yeah, that would be fun. Right Kokichi?" Shuichi asked turning to me. "Yeah, I would love to!" I exclaimed with a smile. Kaito glared at Maki making her roll her eyes. Why is Kaito acting like an ass? Wait I forgot... He is very protective of Shuichi... so he must feel defeated that he chose to spend time with me instead of him... man... being a living person... just makes me a burden on so many people.

I looked down at the table feeling tears come to my eyes. I didn't want to cry here so I sucked it up and ate a couple more bites. "Hey, don't worry about him," Maki said placing her hand on my shoulder. I jumped at the sudden contact but quickly smiled at her. "He gets like this because he is stubborn..." Maki said with a sigh. I almost laughed at her response, but I contained myself. "No, it's alright! I wouldn't expect someone to find it easy to be kind to me. I'm not the best... for anyone." I added silently. This made Maki and Shuichi frown.

"It's not that I hate you. It's just sometimes you can have a little too much energy..." Maki said quietly making me smile at the fact that maybe this was all just a misunderstanding. "Yeah, same here. I never hated you... I just tease other people too much." I said laughing a bit. "Yeah, I would know," Shuichi said playfully elbowing me. "It's only because I love you! and love making you super flustered..." I whispered under my breath. His face became bright red and I think I heard Maki try to stifle a laugh. "Ah Shushu~," I said teasingly making him put his face into my shirt making me laugh at how cute he was being. "Mph!" Shuichi said something into my shirt, but I couldn't make it out.

"Anyway, about the new motive... I have been wanting to ask... Kokichi was the notebook yours?" Maki asked. Kaito perked up and looked like he was interested suddenly... What am I supposed to do... What should I tell them? Should I lie?

"I'm not sure we should discuss the motive," Shuichi said pulling away from me, voice shaking. "Well, I was just asking..." Maki said looking back at me. My face paled. "You know what? Maybe it's better if I just tell the truth..." I said looking back up. Shuichi took my hand in his and gave me a concerned look.

If you want someone to trust you... then you have to be honest and tell them the truth. "Kaito, Maki, the notebook was mine... I had been writing in it this whole time. This is the truth." I said closing my eyes waiting for rejection and hostility. "It's ok Kokichi, we won't tell anyone." Maki said looking at me with a gentle smile before turning and glaring at Kaito as if to tell him, 'tell anyone and you die'.

"Thank you," I said quietly putting my hands in my lap looking down again. "So that means that you have-" Kaito finally spoke up but I cut him off. "Yes, I have cut myself, starved myself, and have tried to kill myself at least 11 times," I said keeping my gaze down. I felt confused when Maki came over and hugged me.

"M-Maki?" I asked immediately feeling nervous. "Kokichi, I know how that feels... when I was first becoming an assassin... I didn't like myself at all. So I know where you are coming from." She said before patting my head with a smile as she pulled away. Kaito gasped and looked confused as hell but he didn't say anything. Shuichi pulled me into a hug and whispered sweet words into my ear making me calm down. Maybe having other people in my life... might not be so bad after all? I thought before wrapping my arms around Shuichi's torso.

-Here is the next update for today. I might be doing one in my Saiouma/Oumasai one-shots book later... but I'm not sure yet... Thanks for reading!-

-ShuichiOuma010-