Nightmares -Saiouma/Oumasai-

-62-

I felt all of my senses numb as my mind grew weak again. All of my harmful thoughts came back making it hard for me to start moving anything at all. I felt like a stone sinking into a pit of my own self loathing. The dark, cold, and bitter abyss that I hate so much, but yet again I fall back into what used to be normal. I wanted to slice through my own skin, but I knew I couldn't...I can't! I don't have a reason for myself...but Shuichi would be sad if I did that and I don't want to make him sad.

Every moment I had gotten into this state came into my mind making me want to cause myself pain. The feeling only grew as Shuichi was talking to the others about the evidence and about the upcoming trial. I felt so alone...I sunk into the ground letting my knees cover my face as I started to cry. I didn't know what else to do with myself, the feeling was so strong I just couldn't even get myself to get up and move towards him, to pull him away so he could make me feel ok. But that's selfish...like everything I have made him do. He doesn't want to be with me...who am I kidding? I'm a selfish and childish brat who can't even go a day without taunting and teasing someone to the point they are so irritated with me they want to strangle me...I'm just a lying loser who doesn't want to accept the fact that I am a worthless person who is only here to bother and take from others...

"Hey," I didn't even notice someone had been talking to me because of all the thoughts making my mind foggy. I didn't move from where I was because I was already crying and there is no way I would let anyone see me this weak...

"Koki?" The person asked and the nickname made me figure out who it was very quickly. Shuichi was talking to me? But why...there is a trial and the first thing on his mind should be getting ready for the trial like all of the others. So why would he waste time taking care of me mid breakdown?

"Hey, what's wrong?" He said, pulling me into his lap. I just kept my face in my knees not trusting my voice to speak in the right tone or even to say the right words. I felt the tears coming more forceful and sobs threatened to burst out of my throat. I couldn't let that happen...It's time for a trial...so I can't be doing this now.

"Kokichi, please talk to me, Kichi?" He coaxed again trying to get me to talk. I bit my lip before turning around to hug him. I buried my face into his shoulder. When his arms wrapped around me it made all the pain go away...all of my harmful thoughts suppressed for this moment. He gently rubbed my back with one hand as the other one went to gently stroke my hair.

"It's ok...I don't know what's wrong...but I hope we can talk about it eventually, but for now I'm glad you are doing ok," He said with a smile. I could tell he had a small smile on his voice from his tone...and I wanted to see the cute expression on his face but I didn't want him to see my tear stained face...at least not with all of these people around.

"Thank you...I'm sorry for being so selfish Shumai," I said with a small laugh in his ear as I moved my hand to wipe my tears. I needed a moment for my tear stained eyes to calm down before I could look him in the eyes, but my voice was steady so I could at least reassure him that I'm still able to talk.

"You don't have to apologize, you aren't being selfish...sometimes these things happen at bad times, but I'm going to stay here with you as long as I can," He said in a calming voice. I smiled and took in his warmth and scent one more time before I moved away from him.

"I'm feeling better my beloved~!" I said with a teasing tone as I poked his cheek. We stood up together as he smiled and placed a kiss on my forehead.

"I'm glad you are, but after the trial I want to talk about this ok?" He asked with a concerned look on his face. It made me feel guilty, but I didn't let it bother me too much as I kept up the whole happy-go-lucky act.

"Alrighty~!" I said playfully linking my arm through his. He smiled with a small sigh as we made our way out to the elevator where everyone was already waiting.

"You made it!" Kaito yelled, rushing over to us to give Shuichi a pat on the back. I smiled at him even though I wanted to get mad at him for intruding on my boyfriend...but they are friends so I can't hold that against him...

"Hey Kaito," Shuichi said quietly. I could tell he wasn't as energetic because of the trial...I can't say I don't feel the same. These trials...the murders...it all makes me feel so sick, sick of this game, sick of myself, sick of all of this...I'm just feeling so exhausted.

"Another trial huh?" Kaito asked which Shuichi just nodded. Kaito smiled at him and gave him a pat on his back. I think it's nice that they are friends and all...but god I would find that annoying. I don't like most people touching me...unless it's Shuichi, he makes me feel so calm around him...it's a nice change from the usual.

"I'm sorry bro, it's just something we have to get through! But we have the ultimate detective! And I'm sure you will be able to figure this out!" He said with a smile.

The gate to the elevator opened making all of my feelings come back to me...are we going to make it through this? Who killed Angie and Miu, or Angie or Miu...? What the hell is going on? I walked into the elevator with Shuichi holding onto my waist. Feeling him beside me was the only thing that helped me remember that I'm not alone and we can make it through this.

-Here is another part! Trial next part, pretty spooky! Thank you all so much for reading!!-

-ShuichiOuma010-