His Secret Bodyguard

Part 69

"Another question? Seriously? Harry, you're killing me with these fucking questions. It's just one after another. You don't need to know everything about me." I commented.  He got up, and sat on the couch I was on. He had to move my feet, pushing them out of the way. I rolled my eyes, letting them fall back down onto his legs.. It's a two-person couch, so it isn't that big to begin with.

"Do you believe in love?" He asked. I looked at him. "I'm just wondering, since you have all those opinions about relationships and marriage." He questioned. I glanced down at him, and then back up at the ceiling.. I hesitated a moment, thinking.. "I don't know." I finally said.

"So..." He trailed off, wanting me to continue.. "I believe that it exists.. Like, I love traveling, and I love nature and all that.. But, it's all people talk about nowadays. Relationships here, marriage there, all that true-love bullshit. There's thousands of movies and books written about it. It's all people want. People grow up wanting to fall in love and get married. That's their main priority in life. I don't like that. It's too...." I trailed off, not able to find the word.

"Predictable." He finished. "Exactly." I replied, looking down at where he was still sitting, his arms now loosely resting across my legs..

"Ok. Well this was enough talking for today." I said, getting up. "Where are you going?" He asked. "To get in bed." I replied. "It's not even dark out." He stated. "And? I can't lay in my bed whenever I want?" I questioned, walking into my room....

I turned the lights off, climbing onto my bed and pulling the covers over me.. I laid there for a few minutes, wanting to sleep. "I don't understand you." I heard Harry say. I pulled the sheets down, seeing that he was standing in the doorway now. "Ok. And?" I asked, wishing he'd stop being so dramatic and just get to the point about things.

He shrugged. "I want to. I just.. Don't." He commented, shutting the door and walking over, sitting on the other side of the bed. Why did he feel the need to shut the door? "Sure, make yourself at home." I said sarcastically, annoyed that he wouldn't just leave me alone..

"I'm serious, Brynn. You're different.. I've said that to a few different women, but.. You. You have all these opinions and beliefs and you don't care that most people won't agree with you. You just do whatever you want.. I want to understand that." He explained. "Yep." I replied. "Tell me more of your opinions." He said, lying down, turning on his side to face me. "No thanks; I'll pass." I replied.

"Please? I'd offer to tell you my opinions, but I know you don't care." He said. I laughed. "Go for it." I stated, knowing I was already bored, and that Jeff had told me to be a "nicer version of myself."

He looked at me. "Really?" He asked. I shrugged. "Try not to make it too boring though." I said.

He spent like ten minutes explaining a few different opinions he has, most of them completely random, and some relating to what we'd been talking about.. I finally cut him off. "How could this ever work then? I mean, you're obviously wanting to fall in love with someone and get married and have kids and whatnot.. I mean, I'm not even willing to do the first part of that." I commented.. He was watching me. "I know." He replied.

I was looking at the ceiling, and flinched when he put his hand on my stomach. My t-shirt had come up just slightly, but he'd pushed it up further to look at my tattoos. I hadn't even noticed he'd moved over to my side of the bed, but he was lying way too close to me now. I shoved his hand off me, pulling the shirt down and rolling over on my side so I was facing away from him. "You do realize that you can't go to sleep right now." He stated. "I can do whatever I want." I replied, my eyes closed.

"You still have your makeup on though." He said. I didn't respond, and heard him sigh. "Was Ryan your first?" He asked, out of nowhere. "Does that really seem like something I'd talk to you about?" I questioned. "No. But, I'm out of ideas on what we can talk about." He answered. I didn't say anything for a few minutes, and neither did he.

"Yes." I said. He was quiet for a moment, and I wondered if he'd fallen asleep. I rolled over, looking at him, meeting his gaze. "You trusted him." He commented. I wasn't sure if it was a statement or a question. "In the beginning." I replied. He nodded, seeming to think about that. "What're you thinking about?" I asked, my brain being paranoid that he was judging me about something..

"That he broke your trust. And how I think that he was one of the first people to ever do that to you, and so it scarred you. I don't think you ever really came back from it." He explained. I looked at him, and heard it start raining outside.. "And?" I asked, seeing he was obviously still thinking about something. "The next guy. The one who cheated on you. He only made it worse; but I don't think that affected you as much because you were already damaged.. You never talk about the one who cheated on you. That's usually the one girls always remember. But it wasn't anywhere near the worst thing that had happened to you.." He trailed off.

I liked knowing what people were thinking. It gives me clarity, and helps me have less anxiety about them possibly judging me in some way.. "I wasn't affected by it at all. I barely felt it." I finally said, not looking directly at him. He was lying a little under a foot away from me.. "I'd shut my emotions off before I even met him." I continued, my mind still
hesitant to be talking about myself. I also didn't enjoy talking. I hated the sound of my own voice, and never felt listened-to. So, naturally I just stopped talking as often...

"That's why I didn't want to give you a chance, Harry.. It wasn't for myself. It was for you. Those guys obviously felt that I wasn't enough for them, and eventually you'll realize that. You're wasting your time, Harry.. Nothing's changed. I don't open up to people. I don't go on dates... I'm difficult to be in a relationship with." I explained quietly. After a few seconds, I met his gaze. "You think nothing's changed?" He asked. I nodded. "Brynn, did you talk like this with any of those guys?" He questioned.
I immediately knew the answer in my head. No.

He nodded, but didn't say anything. I rolled back the other way, facing away from him. "I want to kiss you." I barely heard him say. I sighed. "I can't." I replied. "Why?" He asked.. I hesitated, turning back over to face him. "It'll only make it harder on you.. The last two.. The only reason they didn't leave me earlier is because they'd developed feelings for me. Physically, I guess. I don't want to do that to anyone else. You should just be able to leave while you still can." I explained.

"Brynn, I'm asking for that. I'm asking for you to hurt me. I don't want to leave, okay? No part of me wants to leave you." He stated..

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, slightly annoyed. "Why the hell are you asking to be hurt?" I questioned.. He was watching me. "Because, I believe in love. And I think that even if it ends badly and I get hurt, that it was worth it because I got to feel it in the first place." He answered. My brain immediately wanted to tell him how ridiculous that was. But, I couldn't say it.. It was his opinion, and he'd listened to all mine without judging me.

But, why did I care? Why did I give a shit about his feelings? "You're killing me." I murmured. "How am I doing that?" He asked. "Because I wanted to insult you just then, but I couldn't because I felt bad. Why am I feeling things? I shouldn't care how you feel." I explained, red flags going up in my brain. I was talking too much. I was telling him too much. I was revealing to him what I was thinking. I can't do that, it's bad..

I saw a small smile form on his lips. "You care." He murmured. "No. I don't." I stated. "Uh huh, sure." He said. I was studying his eyes, trying to read into what he was thinking.. I sighed, not able to find anything.

"Tell me what you're thinking."