sincerely, r

twelve

Dear Namjoon,

I'm so scared.

I have really bad social anxiety and I just wish I didn't have to constantly go in public because all of those big crowds are terrifying to me and I just don't want to be in that crazy mess. I don't want to see people I know because then I'll be forced into an awkward conversation and I'll feel uncomfortable and I hate being uncomfortable.

And, and I have no friends and I'm alone and I'm scared of being alone and I am alone and I just want to stay at home but I don't want to be alone but...

I'm so afraid I have so many fears.

I'm afraid of running out of time.

I'm afraid of the dark.

I'm afraid of being alone.

And I'm afraid of people.

Two of my fears contradict and I think that's why I'm such a mess.

What's that saying...

Nature or Nurture

Was I born with these fears, or is it because...

I always did do everything on a schedule and I had to finish it at a certain time to do the next thing...

And I always had a light while I slept. So when there was no light...

And and I was raised in a family of seven and I used to have a lot of friends and I wasn't alone...

And then, I lost everyone and got hurt by them...

I think it's nurture.

Fears are crafted, aren't they? They're caused by something and it's...yeah.

Sorry, gosh I'm so depressing. I'm really sorry Namjoon.

I just, I trust you a lot and I thought you might've had advice maybe? But you're probably busy and I don't want to be a bother.

I'm sorry.

Have a good day.

Sincerely, R