sincerely, r

twenty six

Five days.

16 hours.

38 minutes

and 12 seconds

That's how long it's been since she talked to them.

Until today....

"Guys!" Jungkook ran into the living room, startling Jin, waking him up from his nap. "Guys it's a letter from her!" Namjoon fell off the couch and scrambled to his feet, everyone sitting up from their lounging positions.

"Read Jeon before I read it for you." Yoongi gritted his teeth, watching Jungkook hold the letter tight to himself.

_____________________

Dear BTS,

call me when you get this.

sincerely, r

_____________________

Taehyung lunged for his phone on the table, Face Timing Rebecca in a split second.

"Wait it's two am-" Jin was cut off once Rebecca answered the Face Time. No one spoke.

There she sat, on her floor, pajamma pants and a tank top on with a blanket wrapped around her. Her hair was pulled into a bun, pieces falling out. She held a mug in her hands, eyes red and tired. Spots laid passed out in the background, Ozzy whining with his head in Rebecca's lap.

She stared at the floor in front of her, only her breathing showing her screen wasn't frozen.

"Hi guys." Her voice was tired, defeated.

"Bex?" Hoseok crawled forward, making his face the biggest out of the others. "Hey, hey, you're okay." Rebecca's eyes snapped up, giving Hoseok a testing look, both parties knowing the lie. "We missed you."

"I made a scrap book!" Jungkook jumped to his feet, running to his room. "Just give me a second." Rebecca nodded tiredly, taking a sip from her mug.

"Becca, it isn't good to drink coffee at 2 am." Yoongi frowned, Jin moving his head so Yoongi was visible. "And, you should be asleep."

"It's chocolate milk actually." Rebecca leaned her cup towards her phone, revealing the contents. "And, I have insomnia which has really spike recently. And, I'm scared of my dreams." Rebecca took a long sip of her milk, Jungkook jumping onto the floor with a book in his hands.

"What did I miss?" He looked to Jimin. "Why does everyone look sadder?"

"I'm tired and too scared to sleep." Rebecca smiled weakly, raising her mug for a cheers.

"I'm glad you have a blanket." Yoongi spoke up, hoping his words would make her feel better. "You remembered what I said about being cold."

"I didn't want to disappoint you." Rebecca mumbled, pulling the blanket tighter around herself, the mug empty. "Hey Ozzy." She sniffed, pulling Ozzy fully into her lap. Namjoon nudged Jin lightly, getting his hyung's attention.

Jin bit his lip while he watched Namjoon touch his wrist, making slow slashes on it. Jimin saw it too, his eyes flashing to the screen, squinting to see the red marks on her wrist. Taehyung wrapped his arm around Jimin, watching his friend's movements carefully.

Jimin, unfortunately, has had his own experience with self harm.

"You will never disappoint me." Yoongi softened with his words, hating how Rebecca processed everything. She wanted to be good enough and prove herself but she already was good enough! "Tell me about your day. What did you do today?"

"Well, first, I woke up." Rebecca drew circles on Ozzy. "And then I laid in bed, listening to Mikrokosmos." Everyone nodded in unsion. "And then I played Mikrokosmos on the piano." Another group of nods. "And then I made lunch. And then...what did I do?" Rebecca's fingers came up to her lips, pulling at them gently, flicking them as she got lost in thought.

And she forgot about the conversation, her mind wandering if you could die due to lack of sleep.

"It would have to be at least, 6 days without sleep. Even that is crazy." She mumbled to herself, her eyes fluttering down to Ozzy, BTS silent. "Ozzy, how much do you sleep? I sleep like, three? Or was it two hours?" Again, she fell into deep thought, her mind moving too fast for her to keep up with.

"Bex?" Hoseok snapped his fingers, Rebecca jumping, Ozzy jumping to his feet.

"Oh, shoot sorry." She rubbed her eyes and smiled sheepishly. "What were we talking about?"

"Becca you need to sleep." Namjoon's eyes were sad, his voice gentle, calm, a hint of dominance as well. She, she needs to be told what to do. "You're all over the place."

"No no, I've always been like this." Rebecca nodded quickly, her eyes burning from lack of sleep. "Yeah, yeah I'm really strange. Did you know I was deaf for four years?"

"Wait really?" Taehyung couldn't hold himself back.

"Yeah. They started to teach me sign language, but my hearing really...what's the word? Improved! It improved and came back and yeah...I'm not deaf." Rebecca frowned at her words. "Well actually I'm kinda deaf. It's kinda coming back...But I can still hear." Her eyes darted around, observing everything.

"So that's why you stumble over your words so much." Jimin nodded, the pieces falling into place. "I thought it was just nerves at first, but it never improved. And with you not hearing until you were 4, that set you back on learning words and comprehending them." Jimin smiled gently. (it's hard to write a character stumbling over words so just, imagine)

"My mouth doesn't work all the time." She pulled at her lip, a nervous tick of her's. A yawn fought her way through, reminding Namjoon what he was saying before.

"Becca, look at me." Rebecca's eyes snapped to the screen, eyes wide. "Hey, I want you to be healthy and relaxed, okay?" She pulled at her lip again, nodding. "And for you to do that, you need to sleep."

"It's Tuesday." Jin spoke up, Rebecca's eyes darting over to him, Namjoon and Jin the only ones visible in the screen now. "How many hours of sleep have you gotten this week, since Sunday?" Jin's heart dropped when she only used one hand to count.

"Four hours..."

"In three days." Jin finished for her, glancing over at Namjoon to take over. Rebecca turned her head, staring at something to the side for a second, Jungkook frowning, leaning forward.

"Becca, go to bed." Namjoon stared her dead in the eyes, Rebecca pulling the blanket around her tighter.

"I can't." She sobbed out, tears falling down her face, surprising all of the boys. "The Shadow keeps haunting me."

"Hey, hey." Jungkook crawled past everyone, picking up Taehyung's phone and sitting against the wall, only him in the screen. "You're okay, wipe away your tears Lovely." He smiled softly, Rebecca taking deep breaths and wiping away the tears, pulling at her lip. "Stop tugging your lip." He teased gently, Rebecca's hand slowly laying in her lap. "Will it help you fall asleep if I sing you to sleep?" Rebecca looked up, hope in her eyes.

"You would do that?"

"I'll sing you to sleep every night if it helps keep the nightmares away."