𝙛𝙖𝙩𝙚 ⚣ 𝙘𝙩𝙝+𝙖𝙛𝙞 ✔

20

this one's gonna hurt a lot more lmfaoo. ash + dylan chap. thought the gif was appropriate.

{ tw : brief mentions of s*icide & r*pe }

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Calum remembered falling asleep to a pair of arms wrapped so protectively around his waist that he couldn't move, lips brushing against his neck and ankles hooked with his own. He had fallen asleep easily because he knew he'd be waking up beside someone he loved more than life itself. He vaguely remembered being kissed in his sleep and having the hair brushed from his eyes. He'd fallen asleep knowing he'd wake to a new chapter of his life and get to be with the only person he'd ever felt anything real for. So, with all of those lovely things to look forward to, you can imagine his surprise when he didn't.

He sat up, letting his fluffy blanket pool around his waist. He didn't remember moving to his bed. Ashton must've carried him. "Ash?" He called out quietly. He swallowed anxiously, rubbed his eyes then wrapped his arms around his torso. The bed felt so cold without him. "Ashton?" He called out again, voice cracking. His heart clenched. He looked down at his hand, at the tattoo he hadn't gotten removed because some part of him still hoped that they'd work out, and felt his blood boil.

"Goddamnit, Ashton!" He croaked, tears filling his eyes. He quickly ran trembling hands through his blonde hair and felt his bottom lip quiver. "Fucking asshole!" He angrily threw the covers off his body and climbed out of bed, standing there in just his boxers, running his fingers through his hair. He reached for his phone, but instead, he found a note that read:

Angel,

I am so sorry for everything I've put you through. You're more than perfect and deserve so much better than me. I wish I could take back everything and start over. I'd love you with everything I have and more if I had the chance. I'd love you with every bit of passion and soul in the universe. I'd love you until you forgot everything you hate about yourself.

You don't deserve to be treated like this again and again. There are a few things I have to do before we can be together, and that is if you still want me back after all of this. If you didn't, I would understand. But I have to do these things on my own. You can't be there to protect me.

I broke a lot of promises and gave you more than a lifetime of hurt and still after all of that, you stayed. You know what I've done and why and you didn't run like everyone else did. I will always be grateful to you for that.

You're the love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend, and the only person who ever knew all of me, inside and out. If you never want to see me again, I'll respect that. But I promise, unless you want it to be, this isn't goodbye.

From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry.

- Ashton x

Calum cried. He cried harder than he ever had before. The paper shook in his hands. His body jerked forward with every sob. Endless waves of tears rushed from his eyes. His legs gave way beneath him and he sunk to the floor. He had never felt pain like this before and he didn't know what to do with it all. He wanted to scream until he couldn't make a sound. He wanted to punch the wall until his knuckles bled. He wanted to hurt himself. He wanted to hurt Ashton.

He didn't know how he was supposed to feel. The note didn't make him feel better. It didn't clear anything up. He just knew he hurt and he didn't know how to make it stop. How could Ashton just leave him? Was he completely heartless? Did Calum mean nothing to him? He claimed to love him more than life. Calum loved him more than anything and he could never even imagine leaving him. So why was it so easy for Ashton? He needed answers.