𝙛𝙖𝙩𝙚 ⚣ 𝙘𝙩𝙝+𝙖𝙛𝙞 ✔

45

some fluff n angst . comment lots pls it makes my day

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Ashton woke up with a terrible headache. His clothes were plastered to his body, his mouth was dry and his body ached horribly. He hardly remembered what had happened yesterday. He remembered drinking. A lot. And he remembered seeing him. Sadly, he did not recall much else.

The only thing that gave him a spark of happiness happened to also be the thing that made him hate himself even more. Calum was laying next to him. On his side, tracing patterns over his collarbone, kissing his shoulder, brushing through his hair. So although he was grateful for Calum's presence, he also hated that he'd seen him like that.

Relapsing. Violent. Sad. A true self-loathing mess.

He rolled over to face him wearing a saddened smile. "Good morning, my love." Calum whispered, brushing curls from his face. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm..." He rubbed his forehead and sighed. "Embarrassed. And scared. And sad."

"Why are you embarrassed?"

"I wish you hadn't seen me like that."

"I'm glad I was here." Calum kissed his cheek. "I don't think I could've lived with myself if something happened to you."

"I wasn't gonna-" But he couldn't finish that sentence. Couldn't tell him that he wouldn't have. Because he'd thought about it and he didn't know what he'd have done if Calum wasn't there. "Thanks for finding me."

Calum smiled sadly. "No need to thank me."

They drifted into silence. Calum continued to stare at his beautiful love. Ashton continued to feel hatred and fear grow inside of him.

"Hey, so um, do you need to talk about yesterday? Any of it?"

Ashton sighed. It wasn't easy for him, but he knew it might help. Plus, he loved and trusted Calum. "It was scary, um, relapsing. Like, so scary. And not because of what I thought I'd do or anything like that...I wasn't worried at all. The scary part was how good it tasted. 'Cause it tasted so fucking good. I couldn't understand why I ever stopped."

"I get it." Calum murmured absentmindedly. "I mean, obviously, I haven't boycotted alcohol, but I understand addiction."

Ashton made a confused face, so Calum elaborated. "When I was eight, my sister and I were fooling around and my arm got broken. I was prescribed these pills; painkillers, basically. They made me feel better, numb, almost. And I liked the feeling. The...nothing. So sometimes I took too many, or took them when I didn't need them. That went on until I was fifteen, when my mum found my stash."

"Oh, wow." Ashton breathed out. "I'm sorry, angel. I wish I'd known."

"No, it's alright. I'm good now. I don't really struggle with anything of the sort. Not often, at least. Sometimes..." He trailed off, staring away. He shook his head. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Ashton nodded slowly. He didn't exactly believe him, but he wouldn't push. "Where did you get the pills?"

"I stole 'em from pharmacies, or relatives when we visited. Nana was old and she never noticed. Or maybe she did and just thought she was going crazy."

"What'd your mum do when she found your stash?"

"She cried. Thought she'd failed as a parent. We talked for a while. A real groundbreaking moment in our relationship. But I'd broken her trust. She grounded me and only let me go places with supervision, which was usually Luke. Stupid little narc."