𝙛𝙖𝙩𝙚 ⚣ 𝙘𝙩𝙝+𝙖𝙛𝙞 ✔

19

baby boy

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"Okay, so-" Calum panted heavily and tried not to collapse onto Ashton's chest. He glanced down at their intertwined fingers and smiled drowsily. The man's hand was still tight on his hip and his lips were grazing gently over Calum's neck. Calum was still straddling his waist. "We have to finish talking now."

"Do we really?"

Calum sighed softly, "My love, I understand that you don't wanna have this conversation but it's happening whether you like it or not. We're not done with it yet."

"My love?" Ashton repeated, tenderly kissing Calum's collarbone.

Calum shrugged, unsure of himself, "I dunno, I used to call you that n' you never stopped me so I thought you liked it. Sorry."

"No, I love it." The older man promised. He brushed a damp curl from his angel's forehead. "I love you."

Calum stayed silent. He loved hearing Ashton say that. He just didn't know if he could say it back. Not yet at least. He wanted to know that Ashton meant it. He needed it to be true before he could open his heart to Ashton again. He'd already opened his legs for him and that was embarrassing enough. He felt cheap.

"There's no pressure to say it back, by the way. I love you, but I know I hurt you a lot and I don't expect to hear it for a while. I don't deserve it."

Calum sighed and cupped Ashton's face in his hands. "I wanna say it back and you do deserve to hear it. Just...last time I did, you stopped saying it to me, and thinking about it now makes me feel stupid and scared."

"Sweetie, I know, and I will apologize every day until I die and know that still won't be enough. I understand how you feel but you're wrong; I do not deserve to hear those words from you."

"You do..."

"Calum, no. You're clearly blind to how terrible a person I've been to you. I lied, I cheated, not on you but I cheated, and I-I...honestly, I did everything but hit you. Actually, I did that too."

"You hit me because I asked you to. It was nice to feel something other than sad."

Tears welled in Ashton's eyes. "I'm so sorry. For everything. I don't know how you don't hate me."

"Ash, you could shoot me and I'd still come crawling back to you."

"Why? Why would you do that?"

Calum sighed and gave a saddened half-smile as he dragged a finger down the man's chest. "I'd do anything for you."

Ashton's heart ached so deeply that for a brief second he couldn't even breathe. He let out a little sob and connected their lips gently. "M'so sorry. I love you so much." He squeezed Calum's hips then pulled away. Calum was shocked to see the tears forming in his eyes. He cupped the man's cheeks in his hands and whispered, "Please don't cry, Ashy. I'm sorry."

"No baby, don't be sorry. It's not your fault. Nothing that happened between us was."

"Don't say that. It's not true. I did plenty of things wrong and it's not fair for you to blame yourself for all of it."

"I just..."

"No." Calum firmly stated and kissed him. Salty droplets slid down Ashton's cheeks and Calum wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs. "We both fucked up a lot but we're gonna be better. Okay?"

"Okay." Ashton nodded, slowly regaining his confidence. "You're the only man I wanna be with."

Calum smiled that gorgeous smile of his that Ashton had missed so much and ran his tattooed hand through his hair. "I feel the same way. Also, I'm hungry and tired and sweaty and smelly and I don't know which issue to tackle first. Thoughts?"