𝙛𝙖𝙩𝙚 ⚣ 𝙘𝙩𝙝+𝙖𝙛𝙞 ✔

32

y'all this some sad shit. story of my life doe.

-

Calum was drunk. Again. And completely fucking heartbroken. Empty bottles surrounded him. He'd lost count of how many. He lay, barely even awake, on his sofa, wearing nothing but his boxers. He didn't see a point to wearing clothes. He was alone. No one was going to argue against him.

The alcohol made him feel warm, but without someone to keep in his arms, he felt so incredibly cold. Like his life was purposeless. The only thing humans did that made some sort of sense was love, and he'd managed to ruin even that. What did we have if not love? Nothing.

He wanted him back. But he needed to change first. They both did. He needed him. So fucking badly. Needed him to hold him and tell him that everything was going to work out because right now it felt the opposite. He wasn't sure how much longer he'd survive without him. He wasn't sure how much longer he wanted to.

Suddenly, he was reminded of his phone beside him. His intoxicated mind didn't see an issue with texting the older man. He figured that if he texted him enough, Ashton would realize he wasn't okay and come and help him. Maybe he'd be his saviour again, like he always used to be.

He grabbed the device and opened his and Ashton's messages. He didn't even think about what he was writing. He just wrote the first words that came to mind, because they were the truth. He just typed and sent.

-

calumhood: i lve you
calumhood: i miss yuo so mcuh
calumhood: i reeally need ahug rjfgt nw
calumhood: oor mybe jus for yuo to twll me everygbings gunna be okay
calumhood: bcausse it fels like it isn't
calumhood: youre my entire woorld and i'm nothing wiyhout you
calumhood: i justt need you
calumhood: i want th8s to be over
calumhood: im sory for tge way everytbing happànd
calumhood: i love uou

-

He put his phone down. He felt ashamed for sending those messages. Pathetic even. And he was sure Ashton would feel the same. His heart beat wildly in his ears like a drum. He needed to feel something else. He needed to hurt. He stood up, extremely dizzy but not giving a shit, and staggered to his bathroom. He turned on the water to the highest temperature and stepped under it. Not even bothering to take off his boxers.

He stood there for another moment before breaking into sobs and collapsing to the tiled floor. He clutched his hair in his hands, pulling roughly, like that would take some of his pain away. The water burned his skin. But he told himself he deserved it. His cries echoed throughout the room, but he couldn't hear himself. All he could hear was his thoughts telling him to just give up. Telling him to surrender.

And he wanted to. He was all alone. Unlovable. The furthest from happy he'd ever been. He saw no reason to stay alive. The one person he actually cared for was no longer in his life and it hurt so fucking bad. He felt incomplete without him; the one person who'd always been there for him but only one of the people he meant nothing to anymore.

He cried until he couldn't breathe and he screamed until his throat was raw. No one cared about him and he sure as hell didn't care about himself. He couldn't hear anything except the pounding in his ears. He didn't hear his door open, and he didn't see the man walk into his bathroom.

"Calum?" He called out, stepping closer. He rounded the corner then rushed toward the maori man. Calum lifted his head but his expression didn't change. Ashton reached for him but the second his hand touched the water he hissed and jumped back. "Fuck, Calum, it's boiling!"

He shut if off, but Calum didn't move. He remained, curled in a ball on the shower floor. Ashton noticed that his skin was a bright red and he was sure that if he touched him, he could feel the heat radiating off of his body. He also noticed the tattoo running down his spine. It obviously was new and he would make time to compliment it later. For now, he had to help his angel.