Are you an undiscovered writer searching for ways to improve your work and get some recognition? Apply to have your story reviewed here and expect honest feedback, brutal critiques, and to return with a story that can't ever be forgotten.
Cover by...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
BLURB:
Eden is a 23-year-old barista living alone in the city with a crush on the guy in the apartment across the hall, Jasper. The problem? He already has a girlfriend who's a beautiful model.
That is, until one day she turns up dead.
Eden finds herself caught up in the drama and meets four additional romanceable characters as she tries to figure out what truly happened to Jasper's late girlfriend, Sophia. Looking into a dead girl's past may turn out to be more complex and dangerous than Eden could've ever imagined.
***
YOUR COVER: (1/10) A photo without a title or author's name isn't a cover; it's just a photo. There should be a title presented, and the photo should hold more relevance to the story. Just because Eden is a barista doesn't mean there should be a photo of a coffee shop to represent your story. I suggest that you go to a cover maker on Wattpad and request for a new cover. It should be significant to your story, and from reading the five selected chapters, this story deserves a better cover.
YOUR TITLE: (2/10) This title is pretty long and forgettable. It seems like you're just listing words that describe your story. Instead of doing this, I suggest finding a title that has a better ring to it, and better represents your story. This could be a character's name, a significant phrase, or a symbolic object. It could even be the last two words of your story, it's really up to you.
YOUR BLURB: (4/5) I like how you've kept your blurb short and concise. I got a clear idea of what your story was about. One thing I suggest is taking out unnecessary information. For example, do we really need to know how old Eden is? Along with that, try to write each sentence as best it can be. In what ways can you rewrite phrases to be shorter and clearer to potential readers?
YOUR HOOK: (4/5) While I enjoyed that there weren't grammatical or spelling errors, this didn't strike me as the best way to start your story. The point of your hook is to start your story in a way that draws your readers in. I wasn't compelled to read your story further by your first two paragraphs. Is there a more unique or creative way you can start the story without being too obvious?
YOUR GRAMMAR: (7/10) For the most part, I was impressed with your clear sentences and well thought out phrases. There were still some spots where you missed commas or used unnecessary commas. Commas are used to separate different clauses. An independent clause is a phrase with a subject and a predicate (the action being done). For example, in the sentence, "I ran away," the subject is "I," and the predicate is "ran away." If you string two independent clauses together with a conjunction, they should be separated with a comma. In the sentence, "I ran away but Billy cried until I came back," there are two independent clauses ("I ran away" and "Billy cried until I came back"), brought together by a conjunction (but). Therefore, these two clauses need to be separated by a comma. The correction would be: "I ran away, but Billy cried until I came back." There are also dependent clauses, which also contain a subject and predicate. However, a dependent clause does not express a complete thought. In the sentence, "Although I've been looking forward to the basketball game, I decided not to go," the dependent clause is "I decided not to go." It still has a subject (I) and a predicate (decided not to go) but it wouldn't make sense without the prior clause. The reader wouldn't understand where the character decided not to go to. These should also be separated with commas from other clauses. Another example a comma is used is when separating an introductory phrase or word that comes before the main clause. In the sentence, "Callie I've been looking for you," the main clause is "I've been looking for you," which has the subject "I've" and the predicate "looking for you." Therefore, "Callie" isn't part of the main clause, so it should be separated. The correct way to do this would be, "Callie, I've been looking for you." I've spotted several examples of different comma mistakes being made, and I've pointed them out in your chapter reviews.
