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BLURB:
What happens when a mother abandons her child in order to focus on her dreams? When she decides to lock away her emotions and be fixed on her goals, she builds up anything she touches...but crumbles down on family orientation. Will she ever learn how to slow down in life?
Kamilah Paisley Maeve, an 18-year-old girl juggling high school. Her father raised her and he was the only family she knew of. However, fate decides to play a little game with her when she finds out that the person she looked up to the most, her role model, Uncanny Valley, was her mother.
°°°
We sat back to back, hands on either side of us. Fingertips almost touching. 'Yes, maybe not today or tomorrow. But someday soon, we will be okay.'
***
YOUR COVER: (4/10) Your cover itself seems to be separate from the title. From looking at it, it feels like the image used and the words used are two separate things, when they should be artistically put together to seem as one. While the image used has a connection to the theme of your story, it's vague enough that it could pass as a cover for another story. It's hard to tell the genre or the story from the cover, so it doesn't seem suited for your story. I suggest finding a new cover. There are many fabulous cover shops featured in my reading list for you to check out!
YOUR TITLE: (4/10) The title has a loose connection to your story. However, I feel that you played it safe while choosing this title. There are other stories on Wattpad with the same title of varying genres, from Kpop fanfics to romances to horror/thriller stories. This title doesn't do a great job at representing your genre or your story. I suggest searching for a title unique to only your story. How can you come up with a creative, original title? If you're struggling with finding something to base it off of, it could be a specific person, location, object, or repetitive phrase used throughout your story.
YOUR BLURB: (4/5) I found no grammar errors in your blurb, and I got a good grasp on the concept of your story from your blurb. The excerpt used at the bottom has a nice note of finality to close the blurb, and there was no excess of information (or lack of information) presented. However, I feel that you could improve on the structure of your blurb. Your writing is advanced enough that you can experiment with how to make a certain impact on a potential reader or to use interesting diction to pull someone in. You can also shorten/combine sentences to shorten the blurb while keeping the same information. This is optional, of course, but by incorporating writing techniques as mentioned above, you can have a better first impression on your audience.
YOUR HOOK: (2/5) Right from the start, I found several grammatical errors in your writing, and certain places where a new paragraph should have been started. Additionally, the hook had no great impression on me. It was a lukewarm start at best and invoked no strong feelings or interest within me. You were rather abrupt with your transitions, and you could expand on certain dialogues or actions. For example, Kamilah's dad becomes severe when she mentions Uncanny Valley. Instead of describing her feeling sad, elaborate more. She could be feeling confused, and maybe she remembered past incidents where her father reacted in a similar way. You included the very minimum in your hook, and by incorporating stronger diction, expanding more on your descriptions, and setting the mood for your story, your hook has the potential to leave good impressions on your readers.
