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BLURB:
What was Hermione's childhood like? She never told the gang about her family, and here's why.
Hermione has a sister named Emilia. She did not tell the gang about her because of a big fight they had when Hermione came back from Diagon Alley. Emilia was devastated because she wanted to make up with Hermione. Sorted into Hufflepuff, Emilia had a hard time making up with Hermione. When they find out that they have to be fellow bridesmaids at their cousin Jasmine's wedding, chaos reigned. Emilia and Hermione, who have been fighting for almost two years now, finally have to get along and cooperate. Will the sisters regain their might and ignite? Or will the sisters work together to destroy the wedding with their major sister feud?
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YOUR COVER: (5/10) Your cover is simple but has a messy look to it. The title is cut off on the side and is difficult to make out at first glance. I appreciate the color scheme used, as it references the lighthearted nature of the story. However, there is no indicator on your cover that this is a Harry Potter fanfiction. Because of this, you probably won't gather the right audience for this story. I suggest including characters from the Harry Potter cast on your cover or some kind of background indicating it's Harry Potter fanfiction. If you'd like, you can request these things from one of the fabulous cover shops I have featured in my reading list as well.
YOUR TITLE: (8/10) Your title is short, memorable, and incites a playful, lighthearted mood for the story. It has an obvious representation for your story, but I took off some points because again, like your cover, it doesn't show that this is Harry Potter fanfiction. You can choose to keep your title as it is, but if you choose to rename your story, I suggest using a theme related to Harry Potter so it attracts the appropriate audience for your story.
YOUR BLURB: (3/5) Your blurb is a little chunky. You also have unnecessary information presented, so I suggest splitting your blurb into several paragraphs and removing any names, locations, and times that aren't relevant at the moment. You also have some tense slip-ups and repetition. I didn't find grammatical errors, but you could also improve upon the structure of your blurb. This means removing any repetition, rearranging the blurb to best present the story, and restructuring sentences to be shorter and more concise.
YOUR HOOK: (N/A/5) As I am not critiquing the beginning of the story, grading the hook is not included in your review.
YOUR GRAMMAR: (9/10) You had some comma splices. A comma splice is joining two different independent clauses together, and separating them with a comma, but not a conjunction. An example of this is: "I went to work, I drove in my car." These are two different independent clauses, "I went to work" and "I drove in my car." They both have predicates and subjects, and are separated with a comma. However, you must separate them with a conjunction as well. Without a conjunction, this turns into a comma splice. You have two options in this case. You can either replace the comma with a period and turn it into two different sentences, or add in a conjunction. In this case, the correction can be, "I went to work, and I drove in my car," or "I went to work. I drove in my car."
