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BLURB:
''Nooo, dad I can't stay here anymore"
"I'm sorry Emily, there's nothing I can do about it"
Emily couldn't believe that she would not be returning to the States, because of the Corona virus pandemic. Her dad had sent her to Nigeria for three months, as a punishment to her since she denied her origins. She was supposed to stay with her grandma but, things changed and she found out that, there was more to life than she ever knew.
She strives to become a better person and she meets an ally or more...
After all she encounters in Nigeria ,will she eventually return to America or stay in Nigeria?
***
YOUR COVER: (4/10) As a reader, I was not impressed with the cover. There could be more work done with it, such as the photo quality. It would be better to use HQ photos and to mess around a bit with filters. Additionally, your title is hard to see, when it should easily be the largest and boldest text on your cover. I suggest keeping your mind open to different cover ideas, or to find a cover designer on Wattpad. There are some fabulous cover shops in my reading list for you to check out as well.
YOUR TITLE: (7/10) I appreciate that it gives me a sense and general idea of your story. It can be applied to your genre and concept of your story. I'm not sure exactly how well it represents your story, because there isn't much in the blurb that hints towards the title. Make sure that your title fully represents your story/genre and that it's the best choice to label your story as.
YOUR BLURB: (2/5) There are a few things for me to point out to you in your blurb. For one, your grammar. You didn't properly end your dialogues with punctuation, you're missing necessary capitalization, and "Coronavirus" should be one word. You have misplaced commas and unnecessary filler words, as well as extra spaces and repetition going on. You also struggled with clarity in your blurb. For example, the excerpt you included at the top is much too vague to rely on for your blurb. You should provide more context, such as the POV and some background info, or remove the excerpt entirely. Your overall blurb is very vague, and you only mentioned the triggering cause, but not the action. The Coronavirus forces Emily to stay in Nigeria with her grandmother.... And then what? The next thing, I suspect, is the main plot for your story, and should reference or hint at your title. From your title, I'm assuming she has to stay with someone new. Why isn't that included in your blurb? Try to make your sentences as short and as concise as possible, and focus on clarity and summing up the overall synopsis.
YOUR HOOK: (2/5) I appreciated that you started the story off by reflecting upon your character. This helped me jump straight into her head and get a glimpse of her personality. However, you were lacking in several areas. You had some grammar issues (which I'll address in your chapter reviews), your descriptions (or lack thereof) could be expanded upon, and you started off by showing instead of telling. Rather than simply saying your character remembered the events from the day before, start the story off with a memory of that specific event. It would be more interesting to your readers and provide more insight on why your character is reflecting upon it in such a way. (I also suggest pluralizing "event" so the phrase would say, "Yesterday's events" rather than "Yesterday's event.").
