BLURB:
Ever heard of the Captain of the Cheer squad and the Quarterback falling in love?
My name is Madison Miller and I am head Cheerleader and most popular girl in Uni (I am NOT one of those snotty girls from books). There was one thing I didn't want to do this year... Fall in love. Why? Because my last relationship ended on bad terms, which may or may not be the cause of me hating most Football players.
His name is Walker Jackson, and he's the best Quarterback the Uni has ever seen. Oh, I can't forget the fact that he's the most popular guy in Uni. He took away my pain. Helped me see the light in the world again. He became my forever.
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YOUR COVER: (6/10) It definitely gives me the right idea for what your story is about, which is good because it'll attract the right readers. You can always add some filters to the photo or dabble with the different types of fonts that appeal to you. There are also some really talented people on Wattpad who will make your covers for free. However, your cover is still perfectly fine without changing anything.
YOUR TITLE: (8/10) It fits into the theme of your story with the cheerleader and football thing going on. It tells me exactly what I need to know for your book, so you did a good job on that! I've only read the first five chapters, but I haven't really come across a principal reason that makes me go, that's why the author chose that title for this story. So if it isn't there already, making a connection to the story and your title to make it more relevant will make your readers have a lightbulb moment, and also makes the title more understandable.
YOUR BLURB: (2/5) I always recommend your blurb only being a few sentences. You want your blurb to be mysterious and compelling, not to summarize your entire story or dump background information on your main characters. So if your story is about a heartbroken girl who gets noticed by the quarterback of the football team, then that's all that's needed for your blurb. I suggest you take away a few unnecessary details—and instead sprinkle that excess information throughout the story for your readers to find. Even making your blurb as short as: "He scattered the pieces of my heart on the floor. But what I didn't know was that they would be picked up, one by one, by the person who would make me whole again." is fine. Short, simple, and compelling. I've read your writing, and I know you are definitely capable of this.
YOUR HOOK: (5/5) I'm not going to lie. Your hook is beautiful. It starts with only one word, but you added your own style and your own voice into Maddie's character, and turned it into a reflection of herself. By reading the hook, I learned that she was clearly going through some kind of mental struggle. It's a wonderful way to keep your readers reading, to get them to question what made her this way. It also has a personal touch that everyone can relate to, which makes it even better. It's hard to find the perfect start to your story, but you executed it perfectly.
YOU ARE READING
Essie's Critiques
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