BLURB:
In a world, where superheroes are illegal, Alisha is forced to put on her super suit.
Alisha has always been in her sister's shadow but when Nova gets kidnapped by the notorious Black Void, it's up to Alisha to save her.
Will Alisha be able to save the kidnapped heroes? What happens when a certain supervillain comes into her life? Will Alisha be able to control her powers?
***
YOUR COVER: (9/10) I appreciate the color scheme used and the representation your cover has for the story. It looks very clean, minimalistic, and professional. The only complaint I have is that the first half of the title is hard to see, but I'm just being picky here.
YOUR TITLE: (7/10) I think your title is very simple and portrays your story/genre very well. There are several stories on Wattpad that have the same title (or a variation of the same title) as this one, however. This is a basic, obvious title choice that one would turn to when blank on options. I suggest keeping your mind open to new title suggestions. A title could be a metaphorical phrase that's important to your story, a symbolic object, or a character's name. In this case, you could include the city of your protagonist, or have it be a reference of something related to superheroes. You can also look at other Wattpad stories about superheroes to get inspiration for creative titles.
YOUR BLURB: (4/5) For the most part, I appreciated how clean and concise your blurb was. There was one grammar error I caught; in your first sentence, the comma isn't necessary as "In a world where superheroes are illegal" is one clause, not two. Additionally, I found that you were lacking in some parts. You could provide more background information for potential readers. For example, it was only subtly mentioned that Alisha's sister was a superhero. You also said, "Will Alisha be able to save the kidnapped heroes?" which means that her sister wasn't the only one kidnapped. You included the triggering action, but not the reaction afterward. What changed, and how did that make your protagonist react? What about the obstacles? You could hint at her powers for suspense and provide more information about the potential antagonist or love interest.
YOUR HOOK: (3/5) This was a great way to start your story off. By mentioning the time passing, you're giving your audience a sense of urgency and providing the current mood of your protagonist and start of your story. Right off the bat, however, I noticed two errors. One is that you didn't write out the numbers. While it's not necessary, by not writing out the numbers, you could be breaking the flow of the story, and there are picky readers who'd point out that in a traditionally published story, numbers are typically written out from one to ten. It's better to be safe than sorry. Additionally, you have a tense slip-up. It looks like your story is set in past tense, but you used the word "that's", which is a contraction for "that is." That is present tense, when in reality, it should be in the past form, "that was." You could also use this opportunity to show off your writing capabilities. As a reader, I would have appreciated more description surrounding the current atmosphere, setting, and urgency. This could also have helped fill in a visual for your characters to your audience and set up the rest of the chapter.
YOU ARE READING
Essie's Critiques
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