BLURB:
"They are relentless!! Cole kept on insulting Chloe but she didn't back down." Noah comments.
But his mind was far away on that day and Chloe's almost robotic responses.
"I purposefully turned down all of Holly's attempts of getting me alone but she just ignored all of them," Ed adds.
But he couldn't seem to shake off Holly's dead eyes when she kissed him.
"And I keep pissing Sofia off going as far as insulting her but she doesn't even bat an eye lid." Zion comments.
But he couldn't help his thoughts travelling back to when she downed that whole bottle of alcohol after what is supposed to be a little truth. . .
"But isn't that the ways of whores, persistence?" Even Zion couldn't believe the words from his mouth and his friends barely even heard him lost in their own thoughts.
Were they only your typical mean girls or was there more beyond those layers of makeup?
***
YOUR COVER: (8/10) I really enjoyed your cover because it gave me a sense of the theme your story was going for; it had a mysterious aura and gave me a taste of what your story is about. One thing I would suggest is changing the font color; it's hard to distinguish your title from your story. If you play around with filters and font apps, you can make your title pop from the rest of your cover.
YOUR TITLE: (10/10) I love your title because while I was getting to know your readers, I found that they are pretty savage and cold, but inside they are lonely and afraid to open up. When I went back to your title, I found it to be more bittersweet, and it made me feel sad for your main characters. Your title relates to your story perfectly, and I love how it brings out the emotions inside of me.
YOUR BLURB: (3/5) I do like that your blurb is short and concise. One problem is that you've misused words, confused plural and singular words, and rambled through your blurb. Your sentences can be cleaned up and tightened to make more sense to your readers without using run-on sentences and rambling. I like that you showed a piece of each girl through a piece of each boy; it was really clever. But your sentences need to have proper conjunctions and commas, or it takes away some tension and build-up I was sensing in there. I'll explain more of this to you during your chapter reviews.
YOUR HOOK: (3/5) One thing I like about your hook is that it's very philosophical. I got a feel for your personality and what your character was thinking. You added your own emotion and personality, making your character be more relatable and understandable for your reader. However, there were a few spelling and grammatical mistakes that I caught in the hook, and I will address that in your chapter one review. Along with that, you had the tendency to ramble and confuse readers with unnecessary words and phrases.
YOU ARE READING
Essie's Critiques
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