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BLURB:
As we start walking, I keep getting weaker and weaker. Not the type of kind you get from walking a 15k. It feels like someones sucking all the energy out of me.
"You okay?" Leo asks seeing me slowly start to stop.
"I don't know.."
I suddenly starting crashing to the ground, My head aching in pain. I scream.
I hear Leo faintly yelling.
Then everything goes black.
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Willa Walker lives with her adopted family in the small town of Mission Creek. But when her family gets captured by the one and only Victor Krane, Willa and her adopted brother Leo, decide to enlist the help of Willa's biological sibling, Ryan Walker. Will they be able to save their family before it's too late??
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YOUR COVER: (10/10) Your cover is neat, concise, and organized. I got a good impression of your story at first glance, and the image used is HQ. It doesn't give me a clear idea about what your story is about, but as it is a fanfiction, I'm sure it makes sense for those reading this story. However, keep in mind that for any other story that you may write in the future, it should represent your story, genre, and title (ex. Horror would include creepy fonts, romance could be an embracing couple, etc).
YOUR TITLE: (8/10) I can see how your title relates to your story. It gives me some hints about your story, like that your protagonist is in trouble and needs the help of her biological brother. I took off a few points because I'm not sure if the title represents your story in its entirety. You can keep the title as it is, of course, but if you decide to change it, keep in mind that the title should make sense or be a theme throughout the entire story, so that at the end, readers will understand how the title came to be. I only read one chapter, so I can't know for sure, but make sure your title appropriately applies to your entire story, not just one specific part of it.
YOUR BLURB: (4/5) Your blurb is simple and concise. This is great because I can easily absorb it without much trouble, which is exactly what a blurb is for. However, I've caught several grammatical errors. You're missing commas, incorrectly conjugating words, and more. I suggest you look at the grammar section and apply my suggestions from there to your blurb. If you still need help, please let me know, and I can get more specific with you!
YOUR HOOK: (3/5) I appreciate that I got some personality from the beginning of the story. The few things I noticed were the grammatical errors. I'll mention your mistakes in your chapter review. Additionally, you could expand on your descriptions. For example, what did the happiness on Willa's mother's face look like? What about their home, and what was the connection between Will and her brother like? Additionally, I suggest against underlining or bolding parts of your narration, as it breaks the flow of your story. If you want to emphasize something, you can simply italicize it.
