Are you an undiscovered writer searching for ways to improve your work and get some recognition? Apply to have your story reviewed here and expect honest feedback, brutal critiques, and to return with a story that can't ever be forgotten.
Cover by...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
BLURB:
Once they turn a certain age, two shall be chosen. Who they are, is uncertain. What will happen is clear. They will go outside the wall that the city has been isolated in for centuries-no one ever comes back.
***
YOUR COVER: (5/10) Your cover is organized, but it was hard for me to understand how it represents your story. Using photos of girls as a cover is generic and doesn't draw in readers looking for a certain genre. In this case, your story is a sci-fi/fantasy story, but your cover doesn't indicate that at all. I suggest getting a new cover that represents your story and genre well.
YOUR TITLE: (8/10) I'm not sure how the title connects with your story, but you're good as long as it, in a way, represents your story. I didn't find any other stories on Wattpad with the same title, and it's simple and clean. Of course, you can keep your mind open for new title possibilities, but it's up to you whether you think that's necessary or not.
YOUR BLURB: (4/5) I appreciated the mysterious aura you wove into your blurb, as well as the length. It was short, concise, and didn't give away too much information. However, your blurb also looks very empty without necessary information. For example, you could include your protagonist's name, and their purpose in this story. You could also rephrase some sentences with awkward structures, but again, it's up to you. I suggest including a triggering action (what sets your protagonist on his/her journey) and some kind of obstacle in his/her way that could draw in potential readers.
YOUR HOOK: (4/5) You included some beautiful imagery in your hook, but it was also lacking. You want to use the hook to introduce your character. That doesn't mean straight-up listing your protagonist's name, age, hair color, etc. It means you should introduce the current mood of the story, hint at their personality and habits, and include their reactions to something that may or may not happen. This way, your readers can become familiarized with your characters and connect with them on a deeper level. There was also some awkward phrasing happening, but I'll point that out in your chapter review.
YOUR GRAMMAR: (6/10) You often slipped up in your tense. Whether your story is set in past or present tense, you need to pick one and stay in it. If you're in past tense, you should use words such as "didn't" and "wanted." If you're writing in present tense, you should use, "don't" and "want." I've shown a few examples where you slipped up your tense below, so keep this rule in mind for future writing.
You had the occasional slip up with your punctuation/capitalization regarding your dialogue. Your dialogues are typically accompanied with dialogue tags (she said, he yelled, they shouted, describing the way someone says something), and action tags (she grinned/he sighed/they walked away, basically an action). A dialogue tag is a continuation of a dialogue sentence, meaning that the dialogue itself should end in any punctuation but a period, and the beginning of the dialogue tag is never capitalized, seeing as it's not the beginning of a new sentence. The opposite goes for an action tag, which is a separate sentence. That means the dialogue should end in any punctuation but a comma, and the beginning of the action tag is always capitalized.
