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BLURB:
What happens when Sophie disappears?What will happen? A tragedy or a happy ending?Wll Keefe finally confess?Will Sophie snap out of her obliviousness? (Warning: A bit of a sad story) Read on to find out and please vote!
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As I'm not critiquing from the beginning of your story, I won't give you feedback about your hook. You will receive a certain amount of points out of 95, not 100.
YOUR COVER: (3/10) Your cover didn't convince me to read your story. The way the title and author's name was presented was boring and flat. I strongly suggest requesting for a new cover from a graphic designer on Wattpad; you'll be surprised at how many more readers will give your story a chance.
YOUR TITLE: (4/10) I recently reviewed a book here with a similar title. If you type your title into the search bar on Wattpad, you'll begin to understand why I wasn't impressed with your title. Many writers like to use the same structure for their story in the romance genre, especially including the word "love" in the title. This is a generic, cliche title, and doesn't reveal a lot about your actual story. I suggest going back to read your entire story so far and see what words come to mind when you think of it. What symbolic objects are included? What about specific people, phrases, and concepts?
YOUR BLURB: (1/5) While I got the idea that the story was about Sophie disappearing, that's really all I got. Who is Keefe in this story; what role does he play? Does he help with her disappearance, or discover her? You also have some generic lines, such as "What will happen?" and "Will Sophie snap out of her obliviousness?" These phrases aren't strong enough for your blurb, not to mention that you're missing several spaces and didn't spell the word "will" correctly. This blurb was very vague, confusing, and bordering on desperation. In order to stay professional, I suggest you remove the warning, and don't include the "read on to find out and please vote!" Including that in there won't make readers want to vote any more than they already do.
YOUR GRAMMAR: (4/10) You have an excessive amount of run-on sentences. Run-on sentences are endless clauses strung together to form extremely long sentences, which can be tiring for readers to comprehend. As a result, your readers will probably skim or skip over long sentences. To prevent this, I suggest breaking up long sentences into several sentences, so your audience can absorb information slowly, one sentence at a time. You also seem to be writing in a rush; you're always missing appropriate spaces. When a new sentence starts, there should be a space in between the punctuation of the prior sentence and the start of the new sentence. There are more examples of where spaces should be used that I've pointed out in your chapter reviews. If you also go read other stories on Wattpad, you'll find how good writers use their spaces appropriately. Use those as examples to compare to your writing to see if you're using them correctly.
