Essie's Critiques

Six-Leaf Clover | ncallioa

BLURB:

In adjustment of every trouble being inevitable due to the Covid-19 pandemic, these two will strive to find comfort in the chaos.

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Entering senior year of high school, Monique and Justin manage to record their consecutive three years status as subtle frenemies. Even the fact that they're required to work together on the school papers is capable of adding more fuel to the fire, if not for the help of three mutual friends. But when a global crisis cuts all access to their daily drug, changes are meant to be made. And with the return of an old friend, how will they face the following challenges if it all is just the start of a new normal?

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YOUR COVER: (7/10) I appreciate how the image accurately represents the title, and your cover is very minimalistic. The title could be larger so that it was easily the largest font, but otherwise, it's a very neat and organized cover. In terms of creativity, as a reader, it doesn't draw me into your story. It doesn't make me curious or interested. How can you make your cover stand out in its own way? How does it represent your story or genre? You can work on polishing the cover more, or find a cover designer on Wattpad to help you.

YOUR TITLE: (9/10) I'm sensing that your title has a very symbolic meaning in terms of it representing your story. It's definitely an intriguing title, and although it draws me in, it's hard to understand which genre it comes from, or what kind of story your story will be. Your title doesn't have to portray all of this, but it's definitely what your cover is for and should show, as I've mentioned above.

YOUR BLURB: (3/5) While your blurb is short, it's also cluttered. I had to read it several times to understand the concept fully. For example, in this sentence, "Even the fact that they're required to work together on the school papers is capable of adding more fuel to the fire..." it has too much going on. I suggest cutting back on the unnecessary information to convey this message as clearly as possible. For example, you could stay instead, "Even working together on the school papers is enough to add more fuel to the fire..." Along with that, many potential readers don't want to take the time to absorb all this information all at once, especially if it comes in one big sentence. Instead, I suggest separating this paragraph into several paragraphs to make it easier to comprehend everything.

YOUR HOOK: (4/5) You brought me straight into your character's mindset, the potential setting, and I was able to understand the level of your writing capabilities. However, just like your blurb, your hook is cluttered. I suggest trying to focus on how to make every sentence short and concise. That means fewer filler words, and experimentation on how to make a sentence the best it can be.

YOUR GRAMMAR: (8/10) From reading your first chapter, I found some comma errors. Commas are used to separate different clauses. There are two types of clauses: Independent and dependent. They both have subjects (who/what is doing the action), and a predicate (the action being done). The difference between the two is that an independent clause can stand alone as its own sentence, while a dependent clause depends on another clause to make sense. If more than one clause is joined together, they should be separated with a comma. For example, this sentence, "I cried, then Billy ran away," there are two different independent clauses. One is "I cried," and the other is "Billy ran away." You'll notice that they're separated with a conjunction and a comma. You often misuse commas in this sense or forget to add them. Commas can also be used to separate an introductory phrase or word before the main clause. In the sentence, "Today I went to work," the independent clause is "I went to work," and you'll notice that it has a subject "I" and a predicate "went." The word "today" is excluded, and needs to be separated with a comma. The correction is: "Today, I went to work."