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BLURB:
When Tristan Villin is asked to abduct the girl he loves, an accidental guest comes along for the ride.
***
Aella Dawson has a father that is a business tycoon, a mother that is ill, and an unfortunate talent for uncovering dangerous secrets.
Tristan Villin is an enigma. The same enigma that slept with Aella only to lose her trust two days later. But what happens when he is asked to abduct the girl he loves?
And what if an accidental guest comes along for the ride?
Three tortured souls on a jungle escapade, surrounded by uncertain truths and white lies will decide the lives of many.
And more.
***
YOUR COVER: (8/10) I can see how your cover relates to your story, and it draws in the right audience for your story. I'm a little confused, however, at what role the third main character you introduce in the blurb has to do in the story, considering he/she isn't featured on the cover at all. Along with that, you can experiment with how you can present your title on your cover. What fonts and colors can you use? Is there a better place to write the author's name where it can be more noticeable? These things can all be improved. (copied and pasted from previous review).
YOUR TITLE: (10/10) I haven't even gotten around to reading your chapters yet, but I can already see how your title relates to your story. Letting your readers have a lightbulb moment like this is great, and shows that you did a wonderful job at choosing the right title for your story. (copied and pasted from previous review).
YOUR BLURB: (4/5) You did a good job at applying my suggestions to your blurb. The only thing now is that there's some repetition in your blurb. You repeat that Tristan is asked to abduct the girl he loves twice. I understand that the top part is a recap of your blurb, but is there any way this can be rephrased differently? Examples include, "... asked to do something unimaginable?" or "finds himself stuck in a situation that can't be backed out of?" and more. Along with that, I suggest that you remove "and more" at the end. It looks unnecessary and like a last thought phrase added on.
YOUR HOOK: (4/5) I enjoyed reading your hook, because it immediately drew me in, and also informed me the state of mind Aella was in at the moment—and that she had experienced something like this before. I suggest that you also focus on the setting and the scene. I got the distinct impression that they were in a room, but it's vague enough that I'm not entirely sure. You want to ground your readers to where they are, so they can look around with your character, breathe the same air as your character, and experience the same things with your character. Along with that, you could definitely dramatize how Aella was feeling in the moment. There was a flash of sympathy from me—but that was it. If you want your readers to know how important Aella felt Tristan was—or could be—to her, you should go in depth about her facial expressions, body language, and stilted dialogue. There were a few grammar errors, but I'll address those later on in this review. (copied and pasted from previous review) (does not apply to this specific review since this is about chapter 1, so please disregard).
