Essie's Critiques

Starcrossed | CuteCookie1_

BLURB:

A witch named Syrma lives as a broom maker in the small town of Wolfhollow. Humans have been outlawed a long time ago, but the guards are ordered to bring their leaders one specific human. Annabelle Cox. Syrma decides to help her hide from the authorities, and Syrma realizes humans are magical in their own way.

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YOUR COVER: (5/10) I can definitely see the connection between your story and your cover. However, your title isn't centered, and it's actually cut off a bit on the top. There are a lot of filters you can play with to make your cover pop more by using apps such as PicsArt. There are also a lot of really good cover artists on Wattpad, so if you're looking to update your cover, find one whose covers you really enjoy, and you can apply for one of your own.

YOUR TITLE: (7/10) Your title does have a fantasy/magical feel to it, which I like because it will draw in the right readers for your story. One thing I'd recommend if you haven't figured this out already is to make a connection from your title to your story. Give your readers a lightbulb moment so they can read a specific part of your story and realize why you chose that title for your story.

YOUR BLURB: (4/5) One thing I'd like to point out is that I like how brief and short your blurb is. I always recommend blurbs to be concise and to the point, which is what you did with yours. However, writing is like dancing, or playing music. You want to experiment with your diction and add your emotions into it. Make your writing something beautiful. While your blurb is short, it is also very factual and can be boring for your readers. In what ways can you structure your sentences to make them more interesting? For example: John lives in a world full of witches and wizards. His job is to protect the door between the magical world and the human world. One day, a girl crosses to the magical world, and he has to keep her safe while finding a way to bring her home. This blurb is very boring. It is extremely basic and factual, as though writing a nonfiction story. You can make your blurb look more magical by using descriptive imagery and sensory detail. Experiment and find what works for your writing. If I were to fix this blurb, it would sound something like this: Protecting the border between the human world and the world of magic never seemed easier to John, but when a girl stumbles her way into his world of forbidden magic, he has no choice but to find a way to reopen the human world. Time is ticking, and only John can find the wolf in sheep's clothing and decide if this girl is really worth it. It's a little longer, but I've added certain diction choices to entice readers to click on my story. Try finding what works for you and twisting your blurb into something truly magical.

YOUR HOOK: (2/5) Your hook, like your blurb, is extremely factual. Think of writing a story like writing a song. What is the best way to structure your sentences? Can you describe Syrma's surroundings? I got the sense that she was annoyed when she woke up because it was another boring day of selling brooms. You can amplify that feeling by adding specific diction and even throwing in a few metaphors. Write as though your readers will leave the second they get bored, because they will get bored if you don't throw them into a world they want. And in this case, they want a magical world full of witches and brooms. However, you've written your hook as though writing the events of your day in a diary. Maybe Syrma struggled to get out of bed because she didn't want to suffer through another predictable day. Try to describe the different jobs in Wolfhollow with vivid detail—without boring your readers to death. What is the most interesting way to write your hook? How many similes and metaphors and idioms can you find in your hook? If there are none, then it might be a good idea to add some.